Real Life Adventures in Living: Gaining the Courage and Confidence to TRY! with Guest Jecara Rivera - Part I | EP 49

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know. And to who you really are mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm back with a special guest. And this is your Jecara Rivera, and she is here to talk about gaining the courage and confidence to try then this series of Real Life Adventures is helping you to understand how we integrate different things into our lives normally unknowingly, with our souls in mind. And sometimes we never think about the soul. And so these are a series there's an opportunity for you to think about it from the perspective of Real Life Adventures people have gone through. So I'm excited to have to Jecara here to talk about her experiences, you and Chicago market share a little bit about yourself.

Jecara Rivera: 00:01:40

Sure, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for the opportunity. My passion, right was to help women advance at work as well as parent their lives guilt free. I know from experience, being a mother working in the corporate space, being an entrepreneur as well, we wear many hats. So being able to do that. It takes courage, it takes confidence. And I've learned that through my life's adventure and excited to share that with you all today.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:02:03

Yes, exactly. And where did it begin for you? You know that to be more courageous or even not even knowing at the point in time when you were kind of in the formative years? So tell us a little bit about that. Or you're asking, you're kind of thinking about this?

Jecara Rivera: 00:02:20

What is it that I want? What is it that what how do I want to define success, because I want to be available for my family as well as moving the company. So it took me to some self reflection, right, some self awareness to go back in time and and I realized that growing up, I didn't always have it easy. I didn't always make the best decisions. And I had to reflect on how did I overcome my challenges as a youth that I can overcome the challenge that I have today. As a young adult growing up, I've been number 13 and 14, I knew exactly what I want it to be Dr. Judith, I want it to be the first black CFO of a major corporation, I could visualize myself in a black power suit with a briefcase with the French roll. I was I was looking good. I didn't do that was my life's goal and purpose. But around 1516 got distracted by boys and found myself pregnant. And it was at a time when earlier on they looked at teen moms and told us only one in seven of you are going to graduate high school I was 16 years old 10th grade. And they the 11th grade year they put us in we called the pregnant class all the kids or the women and girls that were pregnant or had just had a baby, they let us know we don't expect you to graduate we expect for some of you to go to night school. And there was a label right then in there, there was a stigma that was put on me. And I just my dreams were dashed. I just felt like I could never go on. And that anything that I put forward that the decisions that I made the actions that I took, were stopping me from the success that I thought I just knew I was going to have. And that to do that cried. I mean, have you ever cried yourself to sleep that your pillow was wet? When you woke up? You had to flip it over. I mean, we've all known pain, we've all known that type of pain, whatever that is for you. So for me, it was the idea that I could click live this life that I wanted to. And I was destined to lead a life of mediocrity. But it was my mom, my mother's belief in me it was interesting enough I went to her and I was crying and depressed and said I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I felt like I was a you know disappointment to her and the family and all those around me and she reminded me said baby girl, there's nothing that you could do that would stop me from loving you. Can I tell you the power of a mother's love lifted the weight off of me and she reminded me that you can still do these things. You just have to do it differently. So I learned that I couldn't believe in myself at the time. So I trusted that I could do it. I believed in her she pushed and encouraged me and I thought that was awesome.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:04:55

It is it is when you can on mother's law. That really ain't Christian you in knowing there's something more than yourself and justice event that happened to you. It's very powerful. And that's what our soul wants to it wants you to know it and acknowledge it that you know that is there, and then also to love the soul because the soul is so nebulous, you're not quite sure what it is, we're not sure we just know we get these promptings from time to time, but we're not quite sure. But it's that mother's love, in the same way that our soul wants to be loved. That empowers that to reveal itself more to you. Mm hmm.

Jecara Rivera: 00:05:35

Oh, so true. And then that's exactly what it is. It's like that power outside of ourselves or within ourselves. It can be it's that power, that connection on both ends. And looking back, I truly believe that it was that first awareness of I don't have to believe that my past decisions, determine my future successes, and that if I can't see it for myself, surround myself with people who can do that. And those things actually helped me in my future roles, every challenge and obstacle that I see myself in right now. And in the future, I go back to that, I have to make sure that I really do that self awareness check. And that belief in self is super important as well. So that was probably the fourth the formative age, when I realized, Hey, I've got to overcome these obstacles. And how do I do that? And I kind of looked back at that and took those strategies and continue to use those now and in the future.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:06:31

And it sounds like that experience that you had with teen pregnancy and other challenges, and not only helps you to reflect about who am I? And what do I want to do in my life. But it also allows you to deeper, you know, in a deeper way that you would never have done before. And that, in itself is very enriching. Because that deep dive, whether you're aware of it or not, the deep dive allows you to claim a little bit more of who you really are, as opposed to the effect of the things in the world that have taken place.

Jecara Rivera: 00:07:08

I love that because a lot of times, as I gotten older, some folks will say hey, you know, I knew you were a teen mom. So how did you do it? And I didn't have an answer, because I did hadn't taken that time to really reflect I just, hey, I pushed the group, I got it, you can do it too. And you know, it's nice to be able to see you be inspired by people who've done great things. But we also want to be able to overcome. So what I learned to do is I had to at that point, let me put this succinctly, how did I do it, it wasn't just this automatic thing. So that's what took the time to reflect because people were asking, Hey, you're always so happy, why what's going on. And it's can't just be an answered, like you said the outward, there's something that happened inwardly. So that's the time you take to really unpack those things, so that you can succinctly share with others that you can have success in life as well, you can also overcome whatever challenges that make you cry at night, right? So reflection is key.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:03

And with that, when I hear what you're talking about, is is that you kind of nurtured or advanced this inner strength of a can do attitude.

Jecara Rivera: 00:08:16

And that's so true. I think the can do that confidence, right, we talked about the courage is really just, I have to get out of the comfort zone, I have to make that first step and building the courage to even do it is number one, whatever it is for you, whatever your past, your next steps might be. But confidence comes from continuing to do it continue to try and being successful at it. And when you build the success that builds the resilience, then after the fact because now you have that confidence and lean back on and say hey, I did it. And if I can do this, I can do it again in a different arena or area of my life. So confidence continues to build when you stay in action. And that's exactly what happened. Like I said, once I can overcome teen pregnancy and, and be able to graduate school with the honors degree and go on to get my bachelor's and my master's. Come on. Now, if I can do that, what else can I overcome in this world, right?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:06

So you had a focus. And, and you're allowed yourself to keep focused on the prize, which was some of these outer achievements. But it also was a more kind of an awareness that life is going to have ups and downs. Life is going to have challenges and somehow we sometimes get into the belief that everything should always be smooth sailing, because that's what we see on TV, right? And that's what we see with other people's lives but not realizing for the soul. The soul actually wants to go through those challenges. The soul actually wants to be able to rise higher, because it's saying yes, we can as we said earlier, but it also allows us so to carve out the character of who you are.

Jecara Rivera: 00:09:51

Oh, that is so good. I like to just add to that because a lot of times so as a coach and as Speaker I say I'm a success strategist. That's the title I love to use. But I believe that success is not just the goal, it's the achievement of a thing. And everything you're describing with our soul is what we becoming in the process. That's success as well. When we can see our character growing, we really build out into our potential when we become better versions of ourselves. Every time we go through a challenge, we learn more about ourselves, as well as we're able to stand firm on that challenge, because now, hey, hit me something, give me something else, because I can do it. If I did it before I could do it again, right, that resilience grows. But really, success is not just the destination, or the achievement of a thing. It's who we becoming in the process.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:10:40

Right? And it's somewhat like smelling the roses while you're going through your journey. You know, sometimes we want to get to the journey, so quickly want to get through it to, you know, to get to success, as you're making mention of, but how do we slow down because we're only going to pass this way, once, you're only going to raise a family once the child is only gonna be nine, one year, or 20 or 31. Year. So how do we slow it down? So we know that the challenge is, I don't want to just run by too quickly, I actually want to see and ask the question, this is what our soul wants you to always ask the question, what's to be learned? What's to be garnered?

Jecara Rivera: 00:11:21

Go ahead? No, that's good. That's just because it's one of those being grateful for those hard times being grateful for those challenges, because they do really bring growth to us. And being mindful of the time we're in one of the things I remind myself is, Be Where Your Feet are. So if I'm home, let me be home, let me be present with my family with my friends. If I'm at work, let me be present. Because if I'm always thinking of where I should be, and, and that's that guilt free part that I try to work with, with, especially my working moms, because we feel like I can I want to work and I want to advance, but I'm worried about what's happening at home. And then if I'm at home, I'm worried about how do I advance at work? So how do we go through life and balance or integrate or live in harmony? And it really becomes and I tell folks, you have to define that for yourself, and not what TV tells you not what social media tells you on on what that should look like for you. But what is it that you want? Do you want to go to every recital and be there? Do you want to you know, so sometimes we can do it all, but we can't do it all at the same time. So we have to choose and once we choose, be static in that set your boundaries, and don't allow anyone else to get you off that because based on their personal perception of what your life should look like. So I believe that being mindful, being present, and choosing what you want your life to look like, and stick with that. And then things didn't things change our lives do Shift. as kids get older, you know, demands at work may become different or any of those things. And I truly believe that we just have to shift with that. And as seasons of lives move on your definition of successful change and be okay with that.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:13:00

Yes, definitely. And I think it hits a little bit of what you had noted in your notes about a blended family, how you had to kind of evolve and keep things moving. Tell us more about that. We're looking at this and talking about this. Getting courage and confidence to try.

Jecara Rivera: 00:13:18

Yep, blended families are fun. As many people know, I realized that I had I don't know the exact statistics. But most families are blended families. They're not the nucular mom, dad, same parents and children, right. I grew up in that kind of household, my mom, my dad and me and my sister. And that was us, that was our little household but, and even then we are blending because we all have different personalities, different likes and dislikes. But when you're moving into blended family in the sense that you three have children from different parentage, some live outside the home, some live in the home. And we want the best, we all love each other. But living in that environment can be super hard. And there's different expectations that are set. And one thing that I'd like to state with that is we knew my husband and I we knew that we loved each other our kids, they were each one of our we had kids that were used to being single kids are only only children. So now we have to merge that. So we had a lot of conversations, communications with everyone to see how's this going to fit? So we had the courage to try like, alright, we want this we want to be married, we want to live together and all our kids in one household. How do we do that? And then it just becomes there's definitely challenges with you know, people are used to being the center of attention, right, each kid they're used to having that attention. And then it's okay now the parents are putting each other first before putting us first we're going to act out and now we're teenagers who are teenagers by themselves and even in a blended family that to do that can be rough. I think one strong suit that my husband and I had is communication is key. Like we've always kept that First and foremost, and we kept the voices, other voices outside, we asked for counsel when necessary. But we learned that any decisions we make are our decisions and that we need to be aligned. And then putting that, you know, putting our kids into that and making sure we gave them the security that they needed. But anytime you're in a challenging situation, if you can, if you need a staff, it's just you get a sounding board, get someone that you can pour your ideas off of, so that you can move forward. If you're in a romantic relationship, spousal relationship, communication is number one, because you've got to be able to be vulnerable, and know that that can be trusted. So you're gonna be in a good relationship, if you can't do that might be some other conversations that happen, but you want to be open so that you can move forward. So that definitely took a lot of courage for us to say, hey, let's try this, let's do this. But the confidence again, comes when you start putting things into action, and things are working. And I can tell you, it's not perfect, because we have four kids now. And we've continued to grow and change, because now we have kids of art, you know, between the two of us, but we love all of our children, and we they're all so different. But we have to figure out what works best for us as parents.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:16:11

Yeah. And I think that's what many parents are trying to figure out, be it blended or new color, they're trying to figure out what's going to be the rhythm of the relationships that they have with themselves, as well as with their children. And that's sometimes it's always dynamic. It's always something that's evolving and growing. But they think sometimes we I want to add to what you're saying, because sometimes we miss out is is that piece about? Well, a part of the families that we're involved in is our soul. And our soul wants some awareness to know why and we give attention to everything else. But our soul. And so sometimes we you said earlier to take reflective time or quiet time, and are still time, which I talked about in my episodes as staying tuned to light in love, the more that we stay that that stillness and be with ourselves, and also teach our children to take some time out to be reflective and still with themselves to get more in tune to the true essence of who they are. And which sometimes the society is so quick paced, and so much wanting to tell you who you are. And but it's under their parents in which you're talking about and blending and communication, and being willing to have values that you're kind of anchored in, that allows you to be able to say we are doing this, and we're doing in the way, that is each day is a day of opportunity. And growing, learning, advancing, evolving with what we need to do doesn't mean that can be fights not gonna be arguments. It's part of the human condition that we find ourselves in. But I hear this quality of your desire. Let's say we want to do it, we want to do in the best way we can. And that requires communication. That's true. But it also requires communication with our inner self or our soul, and asking her soul as well as we ask our partners or relationships that were in the say, what do we need to do here? Mm hmm. Yes, you still may say, say nothing. They say something. But when you ask yourself, say, I'm just gonna be quiet here. Well, listen, we've lacked and summarize what I hear and ask a question, to open things up. It's like the, you know, when you have a mouse, you know, computer mouse, you click, you double click, you double click it to open up, you know, to a bigger picture of what you're trying to look at. And that's very powerful when we're able to do those things, in light of allowing your soul to participate in the activities that you're involved in. What are your thoughts about that?

Jecara Rivera: 00:18:49

It reminds me that we, you know, being able to sit with yourself, and I made the comment being vulnerable, it's hard to be vulnerable. If you don't know what your own thoughts are, you have your own ideas, or you haven't taken the time to really understand yourself. So you can communicate all day, but all you're talking about is outward things. It's not until you understand your wants your likes and your dislikes. My husband and myself, right? We have we grew up differently in our parenting. So there's things that he wanted to how he wanted to discipline was not the way that I wanted to discipline. And so I had to realize, okay, what worked for me and what didn't and why. And is this something that I want to stand firm on in and continue to push for a change or something different? Or is it something where, hey, you know what, let's try something different, because I'm not sure if my ways the my ways, maybe it's not the only way so let's try your idea. But it's not until I took the time to really sit back and say, Well, what is it that I want and how I want my relationship to run through I want my husband to make every decision. And I just say, okay, so I had to take that time and realize what is it that Who am I as a person and how do I want my values to show in our kids and how do we blend that with your past experiences and what we want best for our kids. And some of it might be, it's not you or me, let's let the children figure some things out on their own that we don't need to push an agenda is just, hey, well, this is our this is our truth. And now it's on you to find your truth. Like you said, Take your own time kids and figure out what this means for you. You're living in this worse wrestler, as they get older, they start to make their own ideas about life and love. And they have to struggle. And the nice part is they can do it within the comfort of our household, and we can help him guide. But at some point, there'll be out out of the house. So I'm teaching them how to think for themselves how to problem solve, I'd rather do that and tell them what to do and tell them what to think. So when they're out there on their own, they can alright, what is it that I want? What are my values, not what my parents told me, but what is it that I value, so that I can make the appropriate next steps in life,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:20:52

right, and so fascinating, and so nice and right on target, because you've given them the critical thinking skills, that allows them to be able to know why they're making a decision that they're making, because they were in the confines of the comfort of your home, to struggle and make mistakes and not being ostracized by that mistake. But seeing it as a learning experience, and giving them the opportunity to have the confidence and courage to try to try in their what's going on in their world. So that they can learn to be able to better be better people when they move out into the world.

Jecara Rivera: 00:21:28

That's right. And it's not easy, because I can see them struggling, I'm just like, if you just do what I tell you to do, you'll be fine. Just do what I told you to do. So allowing them to make the mistakes is definitely not an easy task. And sometimes I do take the reins back a little too quick, when I'm like, oh, I should have just let them go through that. So it's always a learning thing. And even though I've been through it, you know, when my older two are younger, too, we're like we've been through this before we know what to do, we still tend to act too quick or so it's still a learning and it's still like, you know, finding that balance that each child is different, some need that extra coaching, and some you can just let loose and they got it.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:22:04

Right. Well, and the beautiful thing about it is kind of a fifth grade flow, you're learning and they're learning. So it's kind of the energy going back and forth with how you're learning and how they're learning about this. And you're growing, and they're growing through this. And you're also learning about when do I need to be flexible and when I really should not be flexible. You know, I'm trying to anchor them in certain principles or concepts or helping them to understand if their whole until this particular stance that will serve them better than caving in to peer pressure.

Jecara Rivera: 00:22:38

Agree Yep, exactly. And then and that's the knowing, right? When do I When do I say this is it but that comes with learning to you got to try and if we don't try at all, then we're left to the wind right and we're left to the whatever the world says whatever social media says is next. But as parents and even as we lead ourselves, I'm a big proponent, I really teach you the philosophy the leadership trifecta, which is we have to lead ourselves, we lead at work and we lead at home work could be passionate if you're volunteering, whatever that might be for you, home, family, friends, whatever that might be. But we have to start first with self leadership. And being able to and I love the connection with the soul is what is it that I need a lead myself first before I can lead someone else, and then it's always the triangle. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna mess up and make a mistake, but that's okay. We don't win or lose. We want to learn and if we learn and we adapt to that learning, then we'll be in a much stronger place in the next obstacle or opportunity or obstacle that comes.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:37

Yeah, I love that concept that you said trifecta. But also the we win and learn every experience winning experience. Yeah, not seeing it as something that's going to be deflating or deflect them and you may get deflated for a while that's okay. But did you stay there? It's like we're learning to do and what the soul is learning as well is to gain a greater sense of reflectiveness that leads to movement, that we move forward in our life that we don't get stuck in the situation that we can give our own intercell words of encouragement, because sometimes we get encouragement from other people, but how do we do it for ourselves? That assumes that you know, kind of bump in the road that we had taken and allows a soul to say it's hopeless, like our souls a little child too. And it's currently and so we need to talk to that, you know, in ourselves and say, It's okay. We didn't do it right this time, but we learned a lot and we're going to do it better next time. We are okay. need to do more of that? Because sometimes you go ahead. No, no,

Jecara Rivera: 00:24:41

I'm just agreeing because I truly believe in affirmations and that affirming statements and saying that I am because we can quickly you know, we have 80,000 thoughts per day. And 80% of them are negative, like the very first thing we think is I can't do it. I'm too young. I'm too old. I don't do math. I'm not creative. And we say these things continually. And the more you say it, the more you know you whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're right. So it's not until we take any of those, like when a failure may come or mistake may happen, and you're not the mistake, you're not a failure, you learn something from that and affirm that learning affirm the adaptability. And now I know that I can do this instead of that right, or, you know, I am worthy of love, and I am worthy of attention and advancement and parenthood, whatever it is that you want to you want to be, you can, and it really just starts with the I Am. So reminding ourselves of that, especially when we've gone through a negative experience or experience that's been hard to navigate, having those positive affirmations on a daily basis.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:25:45

Super important. I totally agree. You were right on the mark with that. And there's the power in this, like, my, my attention went to two different ways when you were talking one was intention and forms reality is what you were saying, Yeah, our intention does inform our reality, which people can listen to seekers, podcasts that are getting the foundational series that I did last year. But when we have our attention on something again, and again, and again, and again, and again, guess what we get more of that?

Jecara Rivera: 00:26:13

That's right. That's right. And so we have to be really wise

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:26:17

about what we're putting our attention to. And that's what we can teach our children and young adults to be able to be aware of their, how they're using their attention. But then you said something that was also important. And that is about the I Am, the I Am that I Am The I Am statements, the IMS really empowers that situation or thing that you're talking about are experiencing into reality. And so if you're going to put something into reality, it may be I am wise, I am healthy, I am kind or better things to put into reality, then these negative things on the slouch, I had never do it right and on and on and on. So our words are powerful. And our words have meaning. And at the subconscious level, we think that we because we said all these negative things, and now that we're not saying that they're not operating even longer in our world, but that's not true. Actually, at the subconscious level, it is still operating until we start to erase it those statements and concepts and add something new to that to who we are. And believe it that's the key. Because if you don't believe it, then the inner self, no, you don't believe that. So you're gonna be saying that for a very, very long time. So it's how do we anchor in our values? So we've been talking about and how do I take air and the courage to experiment? And to be able to be aware of the fact that sometimes I won't make those positive statements. But how do I do the self correction? When I noticed that and keep things moving forward?

Jecara Rivera: 00:27:48

I'd love this question. Because I see it a lot in myself. And I see it in my kids. Usually I see things in my kids first and I realized, oh shoot, I do the same thing. My son when he's writing, he's he's a writer, he loves very creative in that sense. And he'll write everything out. And the minute I edit, oh, if I pull up a pen and just have one little mark, all of a sudden, I can't write, I'm awful. I'll never be able to do I'll never be able to publish a book. Like I just said, You spelled one thing wrong. It's okay. Right? I have to, like remember that this one thing, this one edit that I'm making does not take away from the creativity of the book that you've already put down. So helping people when you're helping someone else, they can't see the picture. Because of the frame, right? I'm the frame and I can't see what's inside. It's helped. Let me help you see the goodness that you are right. all the wonderful things that you are. So one thing I do for myself and for others, as when they're picking at one thing that they're not good at or, or something that a negative thought that continues to come is challenged that thought, is that true? Is that it? What evidence is it that it's true? And maybe you can find one or two things. But a lot of times my kids will say, Oh, I always do this or I never Is that true? Is it when's the last time that actually happened for you? And to help challenge the thoughts, then contradict it find the evidence whether it's true or not. And if it's not true, switch the statement around. So where he makes a mistake, and I'm not a good writer, sweetie, you are a good writer you've completed most people have not even wrote a page, look what you've done, right? Let's focus on what you have done well, so being able to first recognize the thought be self aware of that contradicted or challenge it, I should say. And if it's not true, you have to rephrase it and say that differently. So when you see my mind if you see a mistake on a paid paper, man, I made a mistake on that one sentence but look at this book I wrote. So come back to the beam grip being grateful for it the bigger picture that's in front of you and not the small thing that you're looking at. So same thing when I'm you know, writing an email, or maybe I'm at work and I spell something wrong, and I sent it to the Vice President and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I'm gonna look like I'm incompetent of my job. And it's like Jakara one thing. That was one mistake that does not erase The 20 years of financial services that you've put into the company come on now. So being able to remind myself that this one thing is not the end of the world, right, this one thing is not going to make or break, right. And I think sometimes we make mountains out of molehills or hurricanes, out of under storms, whatever, you know, adjective you want to take there, but we have to really take it out of this catastrophic thinking, and come down to, hey, you know what, it's not that serious. And then have fun, we're not all we're not perfect. And we're not supposed to be and there's no one that is. So I really, when I'm working with my clients work with my kids or myself, those are the things I look for, and help them to try to overcome those negative thoughts.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:30:41

And those are all excellent things that I think our seekers can do more what you just mentioned. And one of the things that comes to mind is, we tend to be more critical of ourselves so quickly, that actually that criticism, and um, that there's like CCJ is called criticism, condemnation and judgments that we put upon ourselves. And when we're doing that, we don't realize that it creates static with us being able to hear our soul needs, it creates a daddy, because that criticism, soul is very sensitive. And it doesn't really want you to be critical of it. He wants to learn, but do you need to have to be critical. And so that focusing on one thing we did wrong, our soul says, Okay, I'll learn from that. But can you appreciate what I am doing and who I am expanding to be? And how can you guide me and help me to keep focused and moving one step forward on my spiritual path, and that I'm trying to be was unite or to come back and integrate back into the Christ like qualities that I want to be and not be so encumbered by the ego persona. And the ego persona is always saying, We did it wrong, you could do it better. Look at that person, they did it better. Why can't you? It's always looking externally. I just shift this a little bit. It says the ego of Asana is on one pathway, Mr. Low pathway, the soul is on the higher pathway. And it wants to be able to move towards being the crystal qualities, whatever your faith is, it wants to be more of that and wants you to help it like a parent helps a child and being guided in that direction. God spelled that

Jecara Rivera: 00:32:29

it took me to the idea that another exercise that I'll do with myself and with others, is when we say I am the thing that comes after that is what you're standing in, and you're valuing, so we have to be careful what we say after I am right, I am smart, I am stupid. I'm a jerk, or I'm kinder, I'm compassionate. The one test that I have people to do is okay, well, we're on the soul journey. And if I am equals God is so if you say I am stupid, you're saying God is stupid. So if you if you kind of put those sentences in your mind anytime you say I am, you're saying God is so that's another challenge that you can say is okay, well, God Spirit is not stupid is not an idiot isn't isn't is is creative, and I'm saying all these opposite things. So let me align my who I am to use Christ qualities who God is for me and and I think that that's that's what came up for me as you were speaking as we have to realign that thinking of who we are, and who our spirit is. Because we are we're one we're within this together, you know, spirit is within this flesh. So if our flesh is thinking one thing, ego was thinking one thing, we need to be sure that it aligns back to who we really are, who are so really is so that we can walk that path together.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:33:51

Yes, wonderfully said. And that actually builds this whole, gaining the courage and confidence to try and trying and being your best self each and every day. Yes, I love that. So if you were to kind of give a a phrase or kind of a gift that you want our seekers to walk away with, you know, from our conversation today, what would it be? One of the,

Jecara Rivera: 00:34:22

I talk a lot about success strategies that talk about how you know, persistence is important. Asking for help is important. The one thing I don't speak enough about in in my arena and thing that I'm learning to do more of is that self reflection. I think it's important to slow down we're always speeding to get to the next success to achieve that next goal, but we need to be able to slow down and gauge how we're feeling how does it check in align with our passions, our goal with our spirit and our soul? Because we can be so fast on a track and get to the end and realize it's not even where I want to be. I've heard it said that you're you're climbing this corporate ladder you get to the top realized the ladder was on the wrong building. So we're so busy in this daily life that we're not taking the time to reflect. And so ways to do that journaling, meditation, mindfulness, those are things that I do sporadically. And I want to do so much more of because when I do it, oh, I see the light, I see a bigger perspective, I'm more grateful and more compassionate. And then I'll get dizzy again to get my head down. And um, so the one thing that I would love to leave is, continue to strive for your goals, know that that your past does not determine your future, but along the way along your life's journey, take the time and look at those obstacles and opportunities. And how can how does it make you feel what's right for you? Is it are you on the right path? Do you need to make different decisions? Do you need to surround yourself with different people, but having those conversations with self more often, and keeping it as a habit, I think will will be amazingly profitable, that potential will grow yourself that your self esteem will grow, your confidence will grow. Because now, I have done this before. And I know I can do it again. So I'm going to have that courage just enough to get out of the comfort zone. The confidence will build the more I do it. And I can try and try again.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:36:13

Yes. Excellent said. And I think our speakers are, you know, I hear that the enthusiasm and the energy and the depth of these words that you're mentioning to them. And that the I am statements are so powerful. And it truly is you're saying God in me is this, this? This will so make sure this this in this is what you really want. That's right. And so, on that note, thank you Chikara how can they reach you if they wish to reach out to you? Oh,

Jecara Rivera: 00:36:47

I would love love love to give your audience a gift of confidence. If you go to JecaraRivera.com forward slash confidence. I have a free guide for you on how to boost your confidence. And that will keep you connected to me you'll get my there the socials, the emails a way to contact me get on my calendar and just have a conversation. So that's the first place you want to go with Jecara Rivera.com forward slash confidence.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:37:11

Excellent. And our topic to get today was on gaining the courage and confidence to try and a great conversation and I thank you Jecara for bringing bringing forth your wisdom and guidance to our seekers and look forward to having you back.

Jecara Rivera: 00:37:27

Awesome. So glad to be here Dr. Judith.