Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress: #11 Sinking Sarcasm | EP 048

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering Life's Aventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are Mastering Life's Adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm back with another barrier roadblock to soul progress. And this one is related to syncing sarcasm, sinking sarcasm, we don't always realize that how we speak does impact other people. And it also impacts ourselves as well. We most often see sarcasm as a way of being kind of flip into our being able to share some irony that we may say something, for example, like you're, you are really on top of things. In reality, we're really telling the person that they're really disorganized, and they're a little bit scattered in the urn, just actually not on top of things. So we're talking about sinking sarcasm. And first, let me tell you a little bit more about sarcasm before I get into the sinking aspect of it, and also how it relates to the soul. When we think about sarcasm, which happens a lot in our society, and I think we've all done some of it. But we need to be more attuned to that it does have an impact upon our soul, especially if it's done on a regular and consistent basis. And we really want to reduce that as much as possible. So sarcasm is like this biting and salting comments that are being made to another individual. Well, yeah, I guess we can sometimes make it to ourselves as well. And it's really sometimes we're trying to be witty. And what we're saying you want to make people laugh in some ways, with this kind of arousing degree of amusement that we want. But also, sarcasm, can show our irritation in a situation that's happened. So as I said earlier, when we talk about coming into a situation where at work, and we think the person has it all together, and they're willing to kind of sit down and talk about next steps of it needs to happen. And we come into a situation and we see them really disorganized, and really, quote unquote, not on top of things. And so when we put that out there to the person, the person probably looks at us and feels as if you sell a lot of grimace on their face. And but they kind of move forward with kind of sitting down and trying to talk with you. And so our sarcasm that we're being used is a subtle form of biting and biting this to be it i in G biting and intended to cause some level of discomfort or pain. Because of our irritation or frustration with the situation or person or circumstance at hand. I consider sarcasm kind of as a caustic form of languaging that we're doing, and therefore it is cutting and it can be more subtly or more overtly painful, or create a sense of uncomfortability. And we kind of know sarcasm as other words that you know that maybe we know about put downs, you know, that's maybe a form of sarcasm that's being used to put someone down, or a dig, or a Dart or kind of a slap in a situation or how the person is behaving and acting and you're saying it in a flippant way, in order maybe again to get elapsed, but at the same time, it's an insult in this sinking aspect is also I'm going to say that it creates kind of if we're on an ocean, and we have a boat or a ship, let's talk about a boat and the boat. We're not realizing that like I said about darts that we're slowly putting darts in our boat. These holes that are going on that in the overall in long run will impact us and our general well being and the evolution of our soul underneath the surface of this boat that is drifting or moving in a particular direction, I think there are like three different levels of discomfort that comes with sarcasm. Level one would be awkward, it's just awkward, you know, the person said to us, we kind of laugh in an awkward way. And we keep moving with that. The second level is strained hurt, that we have, it's we're hurt, but was restraining ourselves from expressing the disappointment, or the the manner, or the in the public way that it was presented to us. And with other people around hearing this at work, or even in our home life that the person said it, or we may have said it ourselves in order to make a point or to let people know that we weren't pleased with them. And that's for that unpleasantness. So again, we're having to deal with this sinking sarcasm. And that's why I'm using the boat analogy in the starts that we're putting into our own boat that has an impact upon our soul growth and advancement. Now, so I just finished talking about the first level was just the awkward level, it's just being awkward. So you kind of brush it off, and you move on. And then the second level is restraint. restraint, I should restraint hurt, or hurt. But we don't want to show that we're hurt by what the person said and how they said it, or the circumstances or situations in which they're saying it in. And then Then last level, which is that third level, is seething anger, really angry because this is the fifth time the person has done this sarcastic comment towards us. And they continue to chuckle and laugh about something that now we're getting angry about. And our mild irritation is now turning into anger. And the other person is not aware of how much we're angry about them continuing to be sarcastic towards us. So then that may create in our own cells making impulsive statements, knowingly or unknowingly, that attacks back the person. And that's not right either. But we know where it's coming from. Because beneath that both are these three levels that are taking place. And there probably other levels that are happening going on as well beneath the surface, you know of this. But we need to know that when sarcasm, either we're doing it or is being done to us. These are different levels that are going on. And it can show up at work or with friends or in relationships that we're having. And it can be snippets of commentary that's being given that we can feel that's flimsy or mostly false, and have little merit to what they're saying in their sarcastic comment that has been given. But what happens is awkward, you being silent, not saying anything, thinking that it's going to go away? Or do we need to say something in a kind, but firm and considerate way? What would that look like in your world, if you've had this happen to you, or you've seen it happen to other people. So this is how we begin to make a shift. But we don't want to do the same thing back to the other person. We don't want to be sarcastic back because they were sarcastic towards us. We need to be to have our conversations to be clean and clear. For example, sometimes we need to look at saying back to the person I'm not sure if you're knowing that by saying that it really bothers me. Because I tend to be organized but in this situation has happened over the past several months, I've become more disorganized, I would have preferred if you said something that was kinder, or inquire more about my situation, as opposed to making a sarcastic comment. Because every time and this is the going on with thinking sarcasm. So every time that we make these sarcastic comments, and we put these darts in our own boat, it sinks us to not just the person who we're saying this to it sinks us because we now have these little holes that are forming and water's coming into our boat. And we are not we're not aware or we don't know why we're feeling so weighed down. Or we're feeling so awkward or feeling unclosed in in some ways is because our languaging that we're using. Our words that we use are powerful. That statement that sticks and stones will break my bones

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:58

but words will never hurt me. is not accurate words are very powerful. And for individuals walking the spiritual path, they have to know that their words do have impact. And you want your words to have more impact, the positive, the good, the uplifting, the helpfulness, the givingness, the service is how you want your words to be used, not in sarcasm, we can find other ways to be humorous than using sarcasm to do that, then a certain level, sarcasm brings pain, pain for the other individual. And we have to realize a certain levels within ourselves, it brings pain to our soul. And our soul knows that's not the right way to go. That's not the higher road to take, and having a conversation. And when we look at the word words, what I was saying before plural, when we look at words, and you take the ass at the end of words, and put it to the beginning, is spells sword. Our words are like sorts, that slash that harm, that hinder. And we want our words to be helpful, and kind, they do not slash, but actually give something more to the person in our conversations. So we want them to raise our our conversations up not to pull them down just to be humorous. Now, we need to find another way to have that humor Express be expressed. But we are more in tune with our sole words, than s put sole words, insult words are words that are more kind, that are gentle, but firm, that are discerning, that help you to be able to be clear in your communication with other individuals. The soul has a degree of sensitivity than another s before the word sensitive words are more important for the soul. Because it helps us all to feel that point of harmony, that point of balance that point that you are in control of what you say and how you say it. And knowing that it will have a positive return or a negative return back to you. Or you're hear me talking about the soul sensitivities, and the souls need to have harmony and peace and balance and the soul's desire questing to move forward. We want our spiritual path to be not with sarcasm. We don't want negativity. We don't want to have another person to feel like they've been harmed in some way. That's not the way of the soul. That is not the way of the soul. The soul is here to learn certain lessons and to grow. And to know that in through the power of the spoken word, it has an opportunity to express in the highest way, and the most honorable way in the most kind and considerate way. But it doesn't mean that because you're kind and you consider and you're helpful that you know people should just walk over you all over you as the saying goes, no, that's not it at all. Because the soul also has boundaries, you have boundaries for living in this world, to learn our boundaries, to learn the different lessons that are coming our way to grow in a particular way. Each day may a new maybe a new day of adventure each month or each decade or year, whatever may be a new opportunity for us to grow in some ways. And we have different testings that are given to us through our days. And we don't necessarily consider them as testings. But they are, they are testing our ability to maintain our harmony. Look at experiences that come your way. Each experience if you've looked at it over a week's period of time, or over two weeks, or three weeks or a month or a six months period of time, there are certain themes that happen in your life. Start to be aware of those things. And when we are aware of them, then we become more intentional in our living just as much as we need to be more intentional in our conversations and the words that we use. Because what is looked at in the realm of spirit and God the I Am Presence is the degree of the motive by which you're saying something by the intent Are you saying it to hurt? Wellness displeasing to God? The I Am Presence, the outline? Are you seeing it to be able to be helpful? And we have to look at that word of helpfulness. Because sometimes what we consider to be helpful, others may not perceive it as helpful becomes really important for us to tune in to when we're engaged in activities of helpfulness is to ask ourselves, ask our I Am Presence, what is the best thing for me to do here? What would be the most helpful thing for me to do? And it may surprise you, it may not be what you're thinking that you need to do. Because the thinking part of ourselves may be ego bound, or ego or persona, as I've talked about in the past. And the ego persona says, Well, you just do this. And then you know, people kind of have to praise and appreciate you for what you did. Well, the motor for what you just finished doing that by was to get attention, and being pleased and getting appreciated. But that's not the way of those walking a spiritual path. That's not the way in which we're trying to intentionally live our life. And we're trying to live it from a point of giving this without expecting anything in return. We're trying to make sure we are being the best person that we can be. And that's where our words come in, either externally of how we're communicating, and trying to move away from sarcasm, which ultimately done in a consistent and regular way. A our irregular way does sink our boat, it becomes sinking sarcasm, that sinks our boat, not just hurting other individuals, but in the long us. So we're also kind of trying to balance this, of this sinking sarcasm, with being aware that there is soul words that can be used. The sword changes into soulfulness. So awareness that we're sensitive, to be able to say, I don't want to say it this way. I need to say this way, that's more helpful as I listen to my inner self, and being guided, and where we have that greater connection to our soul. And we've talked about this and different episodes of being able to have that connection and how it shows up. connection to our soul allows us to know if we're walking the right path, because our soul ultimate goal is to connect to the Christ, the Christ aspect of ourselves, following the Middle Way, which was Jesus did, he followed the middle way. And he's asking us to be able to do as well, or what Buddha did, and and his awareness about why there is suffering in the world. Dukkha why is that in the world, and it's because our desires is but he says, Our in audience desires. And sometimes those inordinate desires, muddy up things, that's why we move into kind of a sense that we can say, or do certain things and be okay. Because we're not seeing clearly that God's not really the way of the soul. That is not the languaging of the soul. That is not the behaviors, or how I want to engage with the soul, and other people's souls that are around me. So we're all suddenly trying to in a grander scheme of things, knowing that through the power of the spoken word, and utilizing our words in the right way and not through sarcasm, that we instead, not sinker are built, but allows us to float and to be able to be in a graciousness, and ask God to guide us and guide our boat in the direction that it needs to go. And and that takes time. It takes observation. It takes an awareness that when sarcasm is happening to us, or we're doing it how do we need to either stop doing it or we need to be able to tell the other person that's not really helpful to me, the way you sit there and you know, is there is there something that you're wanting of me now is there something you know, what's your ask of me

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:31

and sometimes and we're not trying to do it, you know, in a angry or frustrated as I said those levels be Naef what happens with sarcasm of that strange hurt and that was like that level one of awkward nests on level two of strained heard. Number three of being angry and having seething anger taking place. You don't want that always observant of how people impact us and how we're impacting other individuals, so that we can fine tune and tweak our conversations that we're having, and our behaviors that we're engaging in. By doing that, then we're always on this evolutionary growth path, this evolutionary growing from yesterday's experiences, from the next days experiences from even future experiences that we engage in, that allows us to be able to be in attunement with our soul. And then to match that with what is the right direction for me to move in here, that that I find myself in, even with a person who is sarcastic to me, or a person who disagrees with me, or whatever, whatever it may be, that's showing up in our world. We're attuned to our inner self, our soul, so to know what we need to do, we're always in that listening grace, and asking crushes internally for ourselves to be able to give for an appropriate response or interaction that is growing us not depleting our damaging, or hurting ourselves, or hurting someone else in any particular way. Because what happens is, when we're not conscious, and we're not intentional about how people's words impact us, and how our words impact someone, someone else, then we actually create a separation. And this sarcasm component here that we've been talking about is, it does create this separation from our soul sensitivities and deeper connections with our inner self. Because there is these three levels in between this taken place that I just mentioned earlier. And if there is that seething anger, then is the anger that creates the static between us and our soul. And if we are the ones who doing the sarcasm, then it creates what we're we're sending is irritation, frustration, or maybe points of anger as well, which is all creating pain for our soul, egg because our soul knows that's not the right direction to move in, whether we're expressing sarcasm, or we're receiving sarcasm, and one of the things we want to do is protect our soul. protect ourselves by either speaking up, or being able to help the person to understand this, this is not how you like to be spoken to it but you're not trying to do in an angry way. Again, anger creates more fuel for burning, and and you're trying to smooth things and to quiet things down and live a more balanced perspective about things. So one of my things I would request for you to do or for you to think about is what is one or two phrases that I can have four times in, which is awkward, and I don't know what to say, when there's sarcasm taking place, or when there's some anger being kind of pushed your way. It's like, what can I say there? That is a measured and harmonious statement, but true. And it helps to guard and protect my soul and my soul evolution and advancement. Something they think about? And think about it from the standpoint of not a why question. But it's all more from the questions of what when how, where types of verbiage that you want to use and thinking about that. Give it some thought. That'd be know your thoughts. Bye for now.