Real Life Adventures: The Rippling Effect: Helping Families Cultivate a Culture of Wellness and Mastery with Cole Berschback | EP 045

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I'm Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know. And to who you really are mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, I'm here with Nicole who likes to be known as Cole Berschback, what we're going to be talking about in this episode as a special guest is related to the rippling effect, helping families cultivate a culture of wellness and mastery. And that is very intriguing. Because that's what we're looking for as we evolve on planet Earth is the degree of mastery. And also in that point of mastery, having a sense of wellness thing called share a little bit about yourself first before we kind of move in to talk more first and foremost about what your life events that have impacted you and shaping who you are. And then us moving into talking about families

Cole Berschback: 00:01:45

beautiful. So I have spent almost 20 years in the health and wellness space i i wanted to be a dietitian from kind of a young age and went that path. And after I had kids and had stayed home for a little while I realized that I loved the work as a dietitian, but I didn't love working in disease management, I really cared so much more about the preventative and wellness side of what we could offer. And as I kind of started to think okay, what is going back to work look like after I had a few years home with the kiddos. This whole other area started to open up of what does it mean to be? Well, and for me at that I was raising a young family. And for me that that needed to feel good and needed to feel like we were all thriving and not just in some hamster wheel where you know, it was kind of Groundhog Day after day. And so that led me down a totally different path to get certified as a coach and a yoga instructor and these other modalities to help support people in a more holistic fashion. So yeah, and I'm married have three kiddos live in Wisconsin. That's kind of me, that's good. It's been kind of a windy path to hear. But it's kind of stepping stones really along the same path that maybe I just didn't see in this way out of the gate.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:03:12

Yeah, exactly. I'm not the word you use stepping stones, because you had noted for yourself that you came from a background in which you set incredible family structure that is setting in for you, and you probably didn't even know was gonna prepare you for doing what you're doing now.

Cole Berschback: 00:03:33

So I am super lucky. My, my parents and I still have all of my grandparents, I'm 41 years old, and I still have everybody alive, like these people have been super special in my life. And my one set of grandparents from the time I was in the second grade had an apartment in my parents house. And my other set of grandparents basically like lived down the road. So I had this really unique experience where especially in my own home, we had several generations living together. And it is one of the more informative things that has ever happened in my life. Because it was almost like I had these two sets of parents but the the quote unquote parenting of them was completely different. And I got to see like this spectrum of that type of relationship. And there were all these just different connection points. And that that was such a bedrock of my youth, that when I got to having my own family and at the time, you know, we lived in Chicago and did not have extended family in the area. And I was like what the like how I don't want to do this alone. This feels so different to me than what I experienced myself and treasured. And what I was really hoping to provide for my own children. And so even though I didn't realize as a young person that it was so formative to me that ended up being the lens through which I was like, ah, there's something really special available in family. And there are ways we can create it that maybe aren't standard or ways that aren't what everyone else is doing. Yeah, so it ended up being this kind of just lens that I saw life through without even really realizing that that was, you know, the glasses I was looking out on.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:05:26

Yeah, and it kind of reminds me a little bit of the soul too, because sometimes, the soul automatically is born into our family, and to gain certain experiences, instead, in certain foundational stones, or sometimes having to learn certain things. So foundational stones by themselves, but the wealth of a family, and tapping into the different dynamics that occur in a family is so powerful, but sometimes we lose sight of that. And we get so wrapped up in the emotional aspects though, stress and strain, and he needs to go here needing to go there, that we lose the element that we're also raising sol, sol, sol, sol, sol and failed people, little people, to help them to be their best self. I'm wondering because one of the things you said was in the tours that you sent my way is that you gravitated towards soul or spiritual direction for yourself, in the midst of your family and your intergenerational family, that you kind of had this leaning, tell me more about that.

Cole Berschback: 00:06:26

I mean, I did not really recognize these experiences until later in my life. But I two things really stand out where I was like, Oh, interesting, there was a very different pole. For me from a young age. One being in this is silly, but I don't know other, you know, 1213 year olds who are doing these kinds of things. But I went through all of life's little instruction books, I remember, there were three volumes of that book. And my mom had it in, in one book altogether. And for her, it was like a decorative piece, it was in our bathroom. And I took that book, and I read it cover to cover, and then immediately started writing on my own copy of what I thought were the most important ones. And I ranked them and I color coded them and, and I kept them on my wall, like what was I doing with these things that I felt somehow Ooh, that that statement, right? Because that book is just all these little essentially quotes or rules. What is driving me to that as something to think about as a 12 year old, so that stands out is one of the first times where I was like, hmm, there's something about this, who you are and how you are and how you choose to live your life that matters, right. And the other experience was, this is really special to me, because it ended up being my mom's best friend. But my my mom's best friend was our music teacher in grade school. And she just had the voice of an angel and I went to Catholic school starting in the sixth grade. And I remember hearing her sing one of those first times in again, I'm 11 or 12 years old. And I remember hearing her sing in church and like, my whole heart felt like it started on fire. And from that time on, I always, religion was not, I mean, I went to Catholic school, my mom, we did go to church, but there was nothing forced about it. It wasn't something that was required of us that it wasn't a huge topic of conversation in our home. And yet, I had this kind of constant pull to like, what, what's here, what's in this space? Why do I feel this way here? And so from 11, or 12 years old, I kind of had this, this thing that I was constantly kind of tap trying to tap into, even though it certainly wasn't a topic of conversation with my friends were even a type of of conversation in my family, it was just kind of my own thing that I was curious about, but I just kept coming back to those things over and over again.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:09:08

Well, you know, what, that kind of resonates with with the soul is because sometimes we do on the psilocybin seeing, and the quality of the heart is the quality of the salt. So in that opens up, the heart opens up, but the soul opens up, and we only know it maybe as an urge or as something different or something awkward on on where Yeah. And so, but the soul is trying to get a kind of awake and say, Ah, this hits the car and that's, that's the beauty of what you're saying is like, there's something that expanded in me to hearing that song or hearing those particular types of melodies, and that's what the soul operates on actually, is the quality of humming, singing, harmonizing that along So it's feel very centered and more balanced. And that's why when you have the baby and you start humming to the baby, the baby calms, and it's just, like, likes to hear it. And sometimes, as they grow up, you see them say, Can you sing that song? Yeah, um, that melody cup is comforting in many thoughts about that. Yeah,

Cole Berschback: 00:10:22

it lands very true. Because my children, I always sing AmaZing Grace to my kids, which is so funny to me, because that's a pretty hard song to sing. And I have, I have never felt overly confident in my singing voice, let's just say. And so. But to you know, even I remember a couple of years ago, my, my youngest is 10 now, and she was going through a phase where she was just having a hard time, like, I don't know if I want to be in my room alone and having a little bit of a hard time falling asleep, and I restarted singing that song to her and my goodness, if she didn't just like, instantaneous instantaneously fall asleep next to me. So yeah, and and it's so true, right? It's the way the body moves, the way the voice starts to move. You can, it's so natural in mothering, to have those ways of connecting and regulating with a baby. It's really interesting how they're just their innate and yet we don't. I would say outside of motherhood, there's not tons of areas where I've been like, ah, the thing I need right now is a good hum, right? Those are practices that I use, but they're not things that just feel like a natural part of the connection or experience, I guess. So it's kind of interesting. Yeah,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:11:35

that it is because we live in a fast paced, fast paced society. So we're always going here, we're always going there. And even thinking about says, If I'm feeling more stress, or out of out of sorts, can I hum to myself, which is actually a little bit of humming to your soul, that allows yourself and now we're okay, we're gonna get through this. We're fine. No need to be anxious. Yeah, if you notice it, you know, through the HMI or the singing that you do with your children, they calm and they really to be able to say, Okay, that's enough, mom. Can I go play?

Cole Berschback: 00:12:10

Yeah. And I love that because even from a you know, more like biological perspective, or physiologic perspective, the humming activates the vagus nerve like it is. Yeah, it's, you know, it's just one of those things were so deeply connected that even even though it's a tap into the soul, it's also this pole from our body system that's coming about at the same time, we're just Yeah, remarkable. Beings in that way.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:12:38

Exactly. And one of the things about it is the soul is so integrated into the body, even though is not the body. But it uses these different channels that try to keep the person awake and aware that we the soul is here, just be aware of that and even put a name or something fun, that allows you to have a visualization for yourself. And that's my kids can do a little bit more. So the soul can also help convert them, along with the parents are working to convert them as well, that they realize my Yeah, my buddy here. Yeah, though, to support and help me as well. So we're talking about families, and we're talking about the wellness aspects of families and the mastery. And I know you went through a situation that you had to gain some mastery or in college and some of the experiences you had there. And I think the seekers would be interested in hearing that, because it really shows you how you moved into having to go through some physical experiences, but also move it into mastering that experience.

Cole Berschback: 00:13:43

Yeah, you know, it's really weird. So this is Wani almost 22 years ago, right. And this has been honestly the most, outside of finding my husband and becoming a mother has been the most informative event of my life. And it's not something I would wish upon anyone and yet I have this insane amount of gratitude for it and an insane amount of gratitude that it happened at a young age because it gave me space to start this journey early. Which, you know, it was a rough way to get to the journey, but it's been super important. So when I was 19, I was home from college for the summer. I was supposed to be going back to school the next week. And so my parents had extended my curfew, which I always had a midnight curfew no matter what, no matter how old I was, and they had extended my curfew to 2am. And on the drive home that night I was hit by a drunk driver who had crossed into my lane on a two lane highway and yeah, hit in a head on collision and the person that was driving the car, he died in the accident, and I was left with tons of injuries which is so fascinating because I had no business surviving that accident. I mean, I was hit head on at highway speed like there's not and that alone you I had all these injuries and things to recover from. And it was a long arc to getting back to living in what felt like okay body, and an okay, mind and spirit and most things. But right out of the gate, I was like, Well, this is so interesting, I have no business still being alive after this, there's got to be a reason that this happened. There has to be something more like what is the message is the thing it's pulling you to do. And so, you know, that's kind of a lot to navigate as a 19 year old who's still just learning their way through the world. But it ended up being this huge gift in my life to even have that question present at such a young age, because it really changed. How I pursued everything, there was no longer something that like, oh, it will, it has to be done this way, or I have to do this path, it became wide open, because the path that led me to a place where something like this could happen in my life had felt a little disconnected. And I don't know if God was just like, hey, I need you back. I had you at one point. And now I feel like you're more distant. I can't speak to the exact reasons. But that thing ended up being so important. And something related to family that happened in that circumstance was my family rallied hard. My family was incredible. My parents, you know, you see all the time when a family experiences something that feels tragic or hard that the family either kind of like coalesces, or the family will implode, right and just it's like an explosion. And my parents were incredible. They were incredible teammates, they were incredible with me and my brother, my grandparents, you know, took care of me, I missed a semester of school. And so I my grandpa would take me to like the old, old man hangout every Friday with him, you know, I had all these, this network that fed what became available as far as recovering and still feeling like a whole human being on the other side of that. And so there was this hard part that really shifted my internal perspective. But then there was this outer thing happening, that kind of back to that multigenerational living, just reinforce this family aspect for me. So yeah, it was one of the most significant, significant and informative things that has happened in my life.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:36

Wow. And it really does sound like it kind of puts you on the path, you know, what you're currently doing? Yeah, it really situated you have an agreed in depth understanding about the value of family, and the networking of family, and the connections of heart to the family. That allows you to be able to say, Hmm, there's another thing I need to do here. Because sometimes I believe that these life experiences that we do have, it does put us on a course correction, and and recreate a reflection because you had a situation in which many bowls were broken. So you had a lot of time to think,

Cole Berschback: 00:18:17

yes. That's why I've always said that. If so one of the things that I teach a lot is that you have to find silence. And the reason that I say that is because my own experience has been that if you do not find Silence, silence will find you. And it will feel incredibly hard, right? Like this experience. I was alone a lot. There was a lot of pain, there was a lot of whatever, I couldn't sleep at night, right? So I had all this time that was silent. And I was just me. And I think we all you either create that experience where you have that time and you have that quietness and you have the silence and the time to reflect and the time to connect to spirit or energy or whatever word you give it. Or life will find a way to give you that space to do it. And it's a lot harder on the side. Where life just like all right, here you go.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:16

Yeah, because sometimes the soul needs to be re connected to something higher. And if we're not having that still time, which I call image or calling silence, still, this is related in at the soul level, is stay tuned to light in love. Yeah, stay tuned to something more in your saying of greater intercell because we're a culture of listening so far outside of ourselves living of life. That silence is actually people don't like it? No. They don't want to be in any situation that creates silence for them sounds but in actuality is the very thing that allows you to evolve, grow and thrive because you're not comfortable with who you are. and learning and evolving of who you are. And sometimes that's where the missing element is. So that experience that you had, and the trauma that occurred earlier, actually created a silver lining in a cloud or gold lining in the cloud, and being more comfortable with the depth and breadth of who you are. And that's always an ongoing discovery process, certainly, but it did allow you to be able to say, Huh, me? Yeah, my dietician work and potentially, but this is going to fulfill my soul in my niche and in my direction in life. Right, that fair to say?

Cole Berschback: 00:20:37

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think something kind of related back to families that's so concerning to me right now is around this, that there are our children are currently so busy and so structured, and so many activities in terms of the quote, unquote, like standard way of raising a family right now. And our children have no space. No, there's no silence, there's no boredom, there's no right time in nature, and all those things are so critical to them experiencing who they are. And without them, we you know, you see a lot in, even like the corporate space, that there's this energy toward achieving, that creates this disconnect between that we are not just a brain, accomplishing activities, and the pole to have our children kind of replicate that and just train their mind and keep achieving and play every sport. So you can get some imaginary scholarship, like these kinds of things are so concerning to me, because I don't want my children to then be handed a incredibly hard circumstance that says, hey, you're missing the big picture here. And we need you to come back to what's important and come back to who you are, and how you can be and might be able to be in the world. And so that's, you know, it's just, to me, that's scary, but also the opportunity, because if we as parents can start to create that. Like, the whole dynamic of the family changes the whole way the family shows up in the world changes, and it becomes this massive expansion, rather than this kind of collapse into this very finite and specific thing that for a lot of people isn't even true, it's just what they felt like they had to do. Now, it's very true,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:22:39

it becomes a rippling effect, and we're talking about today. But it also I was thinking we were talking about that there is this issue about achieving and it's as if we get so wrapped up in the ego, of achievement, and that we lose sight of the soul, and the soul expression. And so the soul doesn't mind achieving, but it also there's more substance, and the soul relates, as I have said, you know, continuously, it's a substance of your life, that's the substance and not the ego. And but we get so wrapped up in the ego. And it can be a transgenerational patterns that we're passing down to getting wrapped up and achievement, but have you had not noticed in our society, a lot of children feel empty, right? They feel down, they feel like there's something missing, but they don't know what it is. But they so they try to achieve more and do more. And the parents tried to help them to do more as well, unknowingly necessarily, because, you know, they're doing their best as parents at the same time. They're not realizing the child, which is the essence of what that child needs is maybe something you said earlier, some silence, some boredom, some grappling. With, how do I entertain myself, and I have external things entertain me all the time? How do I start questioning? What's my purpose in my meeting in life, but if we're so much busy and wrapped up into the business of achievement, it takes that away, and puts kind of a mechanical process of what we need to do. And it gets past that aspect of our own Christic spiritual nature to start in, listen to that aspect of what we need to do, which is also better known as intuition. Yeah, we start not trusting our intuition. And we're thinking about this out here said, that's what I need to do. That's logical. That's physical. That's the tasks that need to be done. But there's still something missing.

Cole Berschback: 00:24:35

Yeah, yeah. You know, something that stands out in kind of that dynamic between like the pull of the ego and the pull of the soul is that it's not that what you might do out here with the ego isn't necessarily bad or wrong. My own experience has been that the directionality of it really shifts when it comes from the soul and a deeper level purpose. Yes. And so these things they might feel temporarily fulfilling to get the promotion or to get the accolade or you know, whatever it might be. But it's number one from outside. And number two, it's always going to end up still feeling empty. Whereas this soul line, that line, even when it's hard, even when you're not maybe achieving, quote, unquote, the milestone you want to get to, it still feels fulfilling, and it still feels worth pursuing. And those are two very, super different experiences. And, yeah, and that's, you know, in the family dynamic, like, how do we model the pursuit of something that's hard, but is aligned, rather than just the hard thing that we felt like we had to do because there's some trophy at the end of it that we actually don't even care about.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:26:07

This goes by, you know, the next trophy, what's the next trophy? What's the next trophy? Yes, yeah, I totally understand that, and can see that happening. And also the issue that you talked about this fulfillment, what fills the tank of who we are, is more in the line of the soul, the substance of your life, versus the ego, which is the kind of the trinkets and the glamour of things. And I'm not saying we don't need our ego, it has this purpose. But I've had it I said, in previous episodes, it should be under the auspices of our soul. And our evolving process towards that higher sense of self called the I Am Presence, call it God called Atman. Call it, whatever you want to call it, but we're on that path to be able to do that, in terms of self mastery. And so what happens under the auspices of the ego, he's always thinking, Well, I got to do more, and I got to do more, and I got to do more. And I got to do more. Well, under the auspices of the soul, the soul says, Let us continue to evolve, grow, and see the stepping stones, to the greater goodness of who we want to be. And also and families who we want our families to have been there greater goodness, and how they can be with each other. Yeah, as well.

Cole Berschback: 00:27:18

Yeah. And you think about the way that a single family might impact the world, right? Like this is the perspective through which I do all of my work, my own training, my own experiences, is that if I, we have five people who live in our house, we as five individuals together in our own home life, if we create peace, love, connection, space for growth, curiosity, if if this can be the environment, that which these five people live in, and connect in. Imagine what those five people go out and how they individually start to touch and connect and experience every other single person that they connect with. Right? It's like my, my husband is from a fairly large family, his two grandparents now have nearly 100 people that are part of their family. Right, it's not one plus one equals two, it becomes this super expansive thing. If that nuclear unit can can experience just the opportunity, it's it's not even prescriptive. It's just what might be, instead of what has to be, or we have to do this, or we sit at the dinner table. And we don't even look at each other, like these types of things are where we get lost and just, oh, gosh, there's just nothing there's so little that gets to transpire from that versus this other version where

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:29:04

anything is possible. Is an openness that happens. And when you were talking about your, your husband having 100 individuals, which is great with their grip, allow in touch others and rippled out and touch others and people out and touch others in that expansion. And it's called the ANA Khurana of life that network of energy that is allowed in that network is a positively impacting not only their community that they're there in, but also the planet as a whole. And we're talking about the vibrational issues that we can send out that's positive, like you talked about with that harmony and peace and curiosity and love that you're sending out that's having an impact, just because we don't see it. It doesn't mean it's not having impact upon not only the family itself, but that you're saying those individuals that are being touched by other individuals and people will sometimes say how did you how Would you do that? Who are you? I want to be more like you. Yeah.

Cole Berschback: 00:30:05

Or even, you know, like my son is my oldest son is 16 years old, right? And what an interesting time in one's life. And there's so much of just the typical kind of boy, high school dynamics at play, where they kind of pick on each other. And there's a lot of goofiness and just lots of odd, you know, teenage boy behavior. But the super fascinating thing is, my son is never, which is so interesting. And he's never on the receiving end of it. And everyone, like it's a running joke. No one's not nice to Andrew. But that's because Andrew is nice, right? Because he brings that into the space and people respond to that. And trust me, we are not an exercise in perfection, we all have the things that we're working on. But this, this one specific area with my son is just blatantly obvious that he shows up in the world in a certain way. And the his whole grade, his whole circle responds to him in a completely different way than they do to every other person, essentially, in the grade. And so and they, you've, he has people who just kind of draw to him, one on one, because it feels good to be in His presence. Yes, yeah. And so it's not that there's some specific thing that's happening because of it in terms of something that's created or the way people to your point, it's not necessarily seen, it's felt. And that's what shifts the environment more than just the specific actions that are taken kind of one at a time.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:31:47

Right. And it hits this whole notion that just because it's not seeing, it doesn't doesn't mean doesn't exist, people to feel each other. And the more calmness or kindness, or loving this, people to feel that, and the want to respond. And so he has this people around him, that that's how his soul flourishes. And people say, I can't trim on that space. That's not space. And somehow he's kind of puts that out there. You can don't tread on this space. Yeah. But as a family unit, that's something you've cultivated as well. So it's having this wonderful impact upon him knowingly or unknowingly. Right impacting him as well. Yeah, good point.

Cole Berschback: 00:32:33

It's, you know, it's, I think, something that's really interesting about this work in families is that it's essentially one giant experiment. There is no right or wrong way to raise any one single child, there's just these or to interact in a marriage, right? That these are very dynamic relationships. Each soul is so dynamic, and has their own things that they're bringing into the world. But even just the framework of I might, I don't know the answer. If any parent just had that as their lens of, I don't know, there could be something totally new, totally interesting, something I've never seen before, something I've never thought to ask before. That could be right there in their closest relationships. And that feeds that person, but it feeds you too, because that's happening then in your own system. And so that's, I mean, that's why the work for me inside of a family is so vital and so transformative, because these are our tightest, I mean, these are the people we have chosen, or there's to your earlier point, their souls have chosen us and our dynamic to be part of, and if that could just be a space of, I don't know, anything like, I don't know what's good for you. What do you hear in your soul? What do you hear in your system? What is your body telling you like there are, start to trust that our children have wisdom, I mean, all these little nuances of how we show up as parenting with curiosity with trusting our children with seeing them as our teachers, these tiny things become totally game changing in terms of how the family can interact and what becomes possible for any one family member. And that's, it's exciting. It's been it's, and it's not always perfect, and it's not always it doesn't feel linear by any stretch of the imagination. But it's exciting and it's life giving to be in a situation where that's present. And it and to your point earlier about, you know, how that ripples out and the vibrational quality of that my My personal belief is that if we could live in families that are integrated in loving, it would heal the world, because those then become the epicenters of love, kindness, curiosity, awareness, just flowing out. And if that connects to networks of other people doing that, that changes every thing. From my perspective,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:35:24

wonderful perspective, I totally agree with that. I think the more that we can be able to have family, family units that are loving and kind and curious, and being open to maybe not having a have to have all the answers and have a degree of humility, to know that there's a higher source. And when as a family stays together, you know, some families want families want to pray together, that allows them the time to something greater than themselves. And that's where the flow of creativity and the flow of innovation and inspiration comes in. So out of the mouth of babes comes really great pieces of information Absolutely. is wonderful. And also is the recognition that just because this is a child born into your family, they don't come with it, the each has their own personality. They have their own particular uniqueness that they're coming with. And so how do we honor that? And that's what I'm hearing you're talking about, is how do we honor that in a way that it opens the family to a greater sense of curiosity, and being a bold? In some ways to say don't know, but we sure can look into it. Yeah.

Cole Berschback: 00:36:34

It did not have the answers. Exactly right. Because that that is the ego, that is the ego saying I can take care of this, I can control this, I can have this be comfortable for me so that I don't have to experience something different than that. But then you land at this place where you just find that that doesn't feel true. And there's something else right, and there's a different poll, or you miss the opportunity, like it's just the more we can say I'm cool with not knowing and I don't know what your experience is. But my own experiences, the more I feel like I quote unquote, know about kind of where this path is leaning or the works that I might do, the less I feel like I know, because now it's this wide open landscape of 1 million different outcomes, that all could be possible. And if I can just follow that internal sense, the intuition, the connectedness to a higher level source, all of a sudden, I know the path, even though there's all these potential ways of going, and I just keep following it one step at a time, not because I know the answer, not because I my brain told me something about it. But because I can follow my heart, my mind, my body, my soul connection, my spiritual connection. At one time, I'm not negating any of them.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:38:04

Right? Right, exactly. It is as if the word that came to my mind when you were talking about that is, the more we trust ourselves, and which is also trusting the soul that it does have a path in a direction that it needs to move in. And we're asking, you're always being curious and ask yourself, Okay, what else do I need to do here? Sometimes we don't ask those internal questions. What else do I need to do here? That's going to be move me in the right direction? You're talking to your higher self, you're talking to your soul, and we say telco right? Oh, left. Yeah. And you say, Wow, if you use your intellectual mind, you say no, and we will be gone right for all this time. All right. You, but if you use that intuition, that soul connection, then that last really saved you time, energy and effort in some particular way that you're realizing. Wow, I'm glad I decided to go left.

Cole Berschback: 00:38:53

Yes. So that was hard. And it can't be said, Yeah.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:38:58

And that's the thing that people have to maybe make a shift in. It's not about like being hard. And woe is me, and difficult or fun and always fun. And it's more, what does my soul need? How can my soul continue to grow? And how can I send that see that through the lens of as you said earlier, fun. Yeah. And even in difficulties, people will tell you, they've gone through some difficult thing, but wow, I learned so much. I grew so much. That was great.

Cole Berschback: 00:39:28

Yeah, I mean, right. Even the experience I shared with basically having my whole body and life blown up in front of me, right. And now, I can't even imagine my life without that thing. Like that is bizarre, right? Because we don't want the hard stuff all the time. That I always say like if even if there's somebody who just rubs you the wrong way, right? Something a small infraction that feels like ooh, I don't like that. I always say mentally Thank that person. Because even that small little thing is just showing you, Ah, interesting, there's work for me to do here, there's something that I can learn about or expand or shift my own perspective on, right. And so any even if, and that's a teeny tiny, hard thing. So the hard things aren't to be avoided. I mean, I'm not talking about throwing yourself in a life altering situation, I don't mean, imminent risk and danger. But, and I think our kids need to see us do more of that, to, to appreciate the hard things and to even have words in conversation with them of, Wow, this feels really hard for me today. And I'm going to still do it. Right, because that's not always the example that's out there for them.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:40:46

Oh, true. If our children, our children are always looking at us anyway. And looking at emulating us, as well. And if we're not willing to verbalize some of the things that are more challenging or difficult, and letting them understand how we are processing or how we're going to go about it, then they don't develop those critical life skills, that are you know, are really fundamental to happen them to solve their issues when they're coming out, as opposed to try to walk around it, go underneath, you know, go and see it's not there at all void it all together. I mean, these help are chosen and our and our family that there are ways in which you can approach this, and be curious about it. And also, as you mentioned, sometimes the typical things, or the small things is not the issue is how we react to them totally. For not realizing that we have to help our children learn how to be able to say, Yes, you got angry, but you were you angry for the entire week, were you able to get over it in a matter of a few minutes or hours. Right able to get over in a few minutes and hours. That's a good thing. And if it took a week for you to get over it, and let's learn from it. Let's grow from it. Let's understand what's going on. What's the sticky stuff keeping you stuck to this situation? Where we don't have those conversations at the dinner table? And they need to be heard and talked about at the dinner table?

Cole Berschback: 00:42:15

Yes. Yeah. Just even sitting at dinner would be a real win for a lot of families. But yes, if that if that can be a space of connection. You know, those rituals of connection are something that I think are underrated in family. It doesn't have to be family dinner, right, I get that life has a certain kind of pace to it right now. And that, you know, a lot of families have two working parents and you know, it's not all cookie cutter, we eat dinner at 5pm. I totally get that. But what are the other ways you like to connect? Is it that it's actually at, you know, 930 at night that everyone's in the house? And okay, well, what do you do at that time? Or is it Sunday mornings that are kind of quiet at your house? And there's an opportunity? Okay, well, what are you doing during that time? That is just a way that you fall into connection? Even if it's just a single question that you kind of use as a conversation starter at a particular meal or time of interaction. You know, our house for the longest time has been high, low buffalo, what was your high What was your low what was the in the Buffalo is like the weird or ridiculous or funny thing that happened during the day. And the funniest part of that is that conversation never actually flows to all five people. Because at some point, somebody shares something interesting that a whole different conversation starts around. But that is our ritual of connection is we can start with that. And it gets the conversation flowing. And it gets us into, you know, sharing and reflecting with one another. And so what is that, you know, just simple, tiny little thing that just creates the kind of routine of connection so that it can then flow from there.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:43:58

Right, right. And isn't that what we all want? Is more connection? Oh, my goodness, yes. And we want that substance of connections. And that's what I think our souls are children are striving for is or wanting or desiring. Let me say that in a different way. I think that's what the children are searching for. Sure, is greater connection with their parents and with those are their relatives in their immediate environment and rippling out from there. And so that's a wonderful for the ritual connections. And however way you want to do it is what I'm hearing you say, but the key thing is, can you do it? Yeah, just do it.

Cole Berschback: 00:44:34

Just do it. Yes, exactly.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:44:40

So if you were to say a phrase or a statement that you want to end with, what would that be for you?

Cole Berschback: 00:44:48

In regards to the rippling in the family? Yeah, yeah. I think the biggest thing that stands out is that in the family that dynamics of the relationship, the dynamics of the deepness of connection allows something incredibly special valuable to be seen in that space. And we're at a time where for a lot of people seeking self development or a path of development, a lot of times you see that the family become like an obstacle. And I would just say that really, your family is potentially your greatest ally, your greatest opportunity for riding that path of development in a way that still connects to our humaneness, which is that we want to be in connection. And so to shift that perspective of that the family is not an obstacle, it's actually an incredible opportunity, I think, is the statement that I would

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:45:56

share. And that's nicely the seekers, because you're asking them to think about shifting mindset, you know, from seeing things as barriers or obstacles to seeing it as opportunities and gifts that can be garnered with right in your own backyard, your family.

Cole Berschback: 00:46:16

Right, right. They're the people you're with every day. Exactly.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:46:22

So it's been a delight to talk about this. And I would like to have a call come back for part two, in which you're going to be talking about another topic seekers. And I want to thank Cole for the wonderful conversation that we've had. And also to be aware of the fact that families matter. Families are an opportunity for not only wellness, but mastery of self and the little ones that you're raising as well. And maybe now they're adult ones.

Cole Berschback: 00:46:53

Yes, the whole spectrum

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:46:57

as well. Bye for now, everyone, take care.