Real Life Adventures in Living – You Got It All, and It Still Goes Wrong. Why? What Happened? – Part II with Guest Scott Feld | EP 033

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know. And to who you really are. Mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

We're bringing Scott back to talk about this whole notion that we started focusing on on our first segment or part one related to you got it all. And it still goes wrong, why? And what happened? This relates to children and also in his life. But sometimes he is also let's say my upbringing was, you know, great, and comparison maybe to upbringings. But still, there was something missing, that I learned through my life experiences. And I'll let you take it from there, Scott.

Scott Feld: 00:01:34

Yeah, I mean, so it really was the missing part was, I thought it was always told I have so much. And my parents always were of the let's give to our kids that will make them happy. But the missing part was that we didn't build up some really important strengths, some really important skills. Those skills are the ones where we had to start from a creative, imaginative thing, which we all do, everything starts from there. One of my favorite quotes is that things are created twice, once in the mind. And then in the world. They always have to be thought of first. And so we always create and for me, I gave the example the first part was guitar, I thought I saw guitar player rock band wanted to be a guitarist decided I wanted a guitar and take lessons. Didn't have to do too much on my end except for ask for it. And because it was that simple for me. And it's that simple. For for many, then I was wasn't connected to it. I wasn't committed to it, I quit pretty much afterwards. And we have to understand that when you have that cycle, then you lose confidence in yourself. You feel inwardly even if you're not expressing it outward. In fact, as a teenager or preteen you're probably not expressing it outward. You're hiding it. Like oh, I didn't want to play guitar. Anyway, guitars, you know, dominant play drums. The cool guys play drums. Mom, Dad, I want to play. I want to play drums now. Oh my god. But what about that guitar thing? I I know, I know, but drums are my thing. Okay, Scott, you know, and here comes the practice pad. Drum drum lessons. Same thing didn't complete it. How do I feel about myself inwardly? Then do it? Oh, well, I didn't really want to do it anyway, hide it gotta look good. God can't look bad, right? God forbid, I would say I made a mistake. Look, I didn't even think this through, I probably should have mom and dad, and then probably needed to get my own drum set paid, at least for part of my own lesson. So I had some skin in the game, and I got more committed to it. If I wasn't willing to do that. I probably didn't want to play drums enough anyway. So come clean. Like that's my bad, no way that I have that kind of perception of that future, you know, me looking backwards. It's like, that's what was missing. Because had I done that I would have built some inner strengths that I didn't fill. And then as I got older, right, I wanted things to be handed to me. Because that's what I knew. That's kind of what was built into me based on growing up and people are always you know, saying like you had it all you had every opportunity through. But you have to know how to take advantage of those opportunities in a way that is productive and strengthened. I'm not I'm saying a lot of people do. They're shown, like how to do things, even if they're given everything they're shown. But there's an equal amount if not more that I know who are given everything then they go off to college or they go away. And now they're not getting that kind of attention. They're not getting everything just handed to them. So now they need to go to Easy Street. To get this what they need. Now Easy Street is doing candidates drugs and attention from opposite sex or whatever, right? It's all of these things that can cause more chaos and more trouble in your life and create bad habits moving forward, they get harder and harder to break, I would consider myself one of the lucky ones. I did build up those habits of just wanting just having things given to me. When that stopped, and I had all these experiences of not completing things. I did that in college, I didn't complete it. Because I didn't wasn't trained properly to do that. And it wasn't until I really deeply started studying how the mind works, and really getting into the spiritual part of it. And really finding myself who I was that I was able to break that break through that. And go, You know what, I have to find what I love. And then I have to have that consistent with who I am. What's important to me? And what are my strengths? Like, I'll do things, right, and I'll say, Look, today, put 200 kids out in front of me, I'll talk to him for four hours, I'll engage with them, we'll interact, we'll have some fun, and other people are like, that's my biggest nightmare in the entire world. Right. But they'll say, I'll sit for eight hours typing and then doing accounting books. I just love numbers. And I'm like, That's my biggest nightmare. But those who sit in their office or do whatever they do, and they've never done the work to find out what what their soul is searching for the reason and the purpose of being here. Because we have that reason, that purpose. They struggle. And it's that think, God, it's Friday, on Sunday afternoon at the latest. They're like, oh, gotta go back to work tomorrow. They're the gossipers. They're the drinkers. They're the ones who have a lot of physical pain in their life. I do have one client who's an adult, and she spoke about the physical pain, she actually had to go and have back surgery. And she was actually emotionally carrying so much weight, from some things that had happened to her and what she made them mean, which is the important part. It wasn't necessarily all that happened to her it was all the things she made it mean, that was the heavy part. And she actually got physically hurt from that weight, like her back went out on her. That's a real pain. Yeah, so

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:07:44

realize the emotional weight, that yes, we have physical weight issues, but there's an emotional way that is carried. It's just not carried by the outer cell. But it's also been carried with the soul at the soul level. And so that when the person is able to acknowledge and reframe, and look at things from a different perspective, because the soul always wants to be able to move towards growth and advancement, it also wants to look at those tragic situations from what's the silver lining in this experience? What can I take, and what can I throw away and not think it's all me, because God is never all these negative things. God is actually very much wanting us to have the abundant life and want things to be the unharmonious. And be able for us to love in a more available waits for other people, as well as who ourselves. And so what you're talking about this, this whole aspect of being able to know that do what you're doing with children, because children experience pain to the experiences. You mentioned, you know, in our conversation before you know this, but we have different level of pains that we do harbor within us. But we also keep on going to certain experiences because the soul is this Master, Master, master this, because of the master it can be quite free from it. Or in our life. And so the skills that you're teaching children is really learning how to think and how to be appearances that they're going right in front of them and make choices. But I want to go to the left, which is the old way, or do I want to go to the right, which is the new way of what I'm learning about how to be and how to show up in my day to day experiences of living life.

Scott Feld: 00:09:34

Yeah, absolutely. And that just reminded me of a really important teaching that I do. I don't remember where I got it from. I got some version of it. So I'm not going to say I created this but there's the millimeter to mile rule. And basically what it says is that in a given moment, in a decision moment, you're just you're at the same exact place that And based on the decision you make, you go left, like you said, or you go right. Now, because you went left or you went right, you start going down that trail. Now that millimeter gets further and further and further and further and further and further apart. So if we were to put that in real terms, in one moment, I might say, I'll just use my own personal experience is, I might say, when I played water polo, I played water polo it at a fairly high local level, when I grew up in Reno, Nevada, and Northern California, it was like a small pool, and I was like, really good. And I said, I said, I want to be an Olympic water polo player. In that moment, I had a choice. Keep up, this is what you said, keep doing what I'm doing, playing how I'm playing. Or, really, really go deep and understand. What does an Olympic water polo player actually do? How do they do it? What's their schedule? What's their training? And am I willing to do that? Because if I say it, my willing to do it, then in that moment, I keep doing what I'm doing, which is what I actually did, right. And by the time I got to Southern California, and started playing college level, water polo with those players who play year round, because in Reno, we didn't play year round, it was too snowy, right? They play year round, since they were like three, or whatever, all of the sudden, I couldn't compete anymore. And I ended up quitting water polo and had an effect on me. Because I have this dream. But I didn't take the I didn't make a decision and take the actions in that exact same moment when I have that decision time. And I did the recycle, okay, I'm going to do the research. And now I'm going to start doing I'm going to be getting up at five, I'm going to do the weights, I'm going to do the training. I'm going to give up these other things, this lifestyle things because I'm going to get what I said I'm going to get you see the difference would have been I would have met these other water polo players I might have played at this higher level probably would have, I might have gone here and who knows, right? And literally my life would be in a different place for sure. We just know that than it is right now. And it's not good, bad or indifferent. It's just the millimeter two mile. Now if we take this into like a kid teen tween, let's just say they're in a moment of, hey, you and I are hanging out Dr. Judith, Hey, you wanna you want to go party, we're gonna go like, go to this party, the urine that like, go go home, you already had plans. You were gonna, like, you know, do this, listen to music, or you were gonna watch a movie with your family or whatever. I'm gonna go party. And we don't know, right? Could that go into party lead to the next party leads in the next party lead to like, this trouble in this habit of going to parties instead of doing these other things. But in that moment, if you decide, hey, I'm going to do that thing I said I was going to do, right study, watch a movie, whatever it was, you could literally live in an entirely different life. Unless you interrupt it and you bring it back. You go away party is not for me, let's bring that back. Right. But the more you do it, the more you do it, the more you do it, the further you are away, the harder it is to bring it back. And so that millimeter denial is just something I teach and I live by two, it's like in a decision moment, right? If I get like, am I going to contact this person even like, you know, contacting you, I'm not going to contact her. There's a decision moment. That could lead to somebody hearing this, it changes everything about how they were with their kid, and all of a sudden, I'll never know, right? Probably, but that kid makes these decisions changes. Now they're off doing this amazing thing. And they do this incredible thing in the world. Right? Or I don't contact you. And that never happens. Crazy. Right? So the millimeter two mile and we have to really follow our, our solar intuition, we have to follow that guy. And if we say that we're up to something like, why wouldn't I contact you? If I really want to be that Olympic water polo player? Why wouldn't I go research and study and go do those things? Where am I just saying stuff? So that's what we have to get real honest with ourselves, we have to say, what am I really up to? And what would be stopping me? And what would be keeping me from doing it? And if What's stopping me or keeping me from doing it is what we talked about in the first segment, the comfort zone, it's just out of my comfort zone. Then I like the analogy that it only takes five seconds of competence to do anything to bust out of your comfort zone five, so it's like the rocket right almost all of its energy is used Have a blast off, you don't have to keep that going. But five seconds will get you past it, and then you'll be there. And you'll be doing it. And that's the excitement of it, that's like, Oh, I'm gonna do it. And then once you're there, you don't need excitement, enthusiasm will carry you through, just stay connected to it. Right, and then you'll keep going. And then you'll have bigger comfort zone, this is good, that you have a formula, five seconds of competence, I can break through the next one. And pretty soon, right, you're hitting those goals, you're hitting those targets, you're getting to where you want to go, your soul is growing, you're not limited to what the soul is here to do. By being a crazy human.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:15:44

Just being human, because I really believe that we are spiritual beings in a physical form. Yeah, yeah. And so we sometimes get so associated with the physical form that may lose sight of the soul and the spiritual development that is needed. So let's really nicely said that what you're saying, because it also reminds me of the fact that one of the major things for children's fear. And so fear creates paralysis. So for them, they don't want to do it, or it creates that worry that we talked about in the first segment. And so what you're teaching how to do is five seconds of confidence, these easy to do, as opposed to feeling as I've got to be 24/7. Confident all the time.

Scott Feld: 00:16:27

Yeah. Yeah, it's great. And you know, most of us kids, adults included don't do certain things, because we don't see how to do them. And that stops us. But then I remind people I'm like, so you think that Elon Musk knew exactly how to run SpaceX and have Tesla and be the richest man? Do you think he knew that when he was starting out? Because he did, right? And when Jeff Bezos was in his garage selling books, you think he knew how to run the Amazon that we have now that we all rely on so much? He didn't. And if I use my Taylor Swift example, Taylor, are you listening? Taylor Swift example, she didn't know how to be a mega pop star. She was a 12 year old kid trying to learn how to write songs. But because they were brave enough. And they're just their mission was connected enough to their soul to who they were to what they wanted to provide what they wanted to give, while they were here in the world. Because they did that work. They were able to keep moving. They were able to keep having those five seconds of competence needed to go to that next step, that next step, the next step. And it's pretty incredible. And then that takes all the pressure off. How many steps do you need to move forward? One? Guess what, once you've taken that stuff, you see the second one, right? There's a great book called, I think it's quantum leaps or something like that. And it talks about how to make a quantum leap in your life. Sometimes it's step by step. And sometimes it's like, oh, my gosh, I can see like, how I can get from here to there with one big jump, but you would have never ever, ever gotten to that place. Unless you've taken those three steps to get to that place. Where's the beautiful waterfall, the one that you can't see, it's 10 steps. And then around the corner, you have to take the 10 steps to see around the corner to see the beautiful waterfall. But you really need to know the first step to take the second, and the third and the fourth. And the problem for kids. And almost everyone unless they know about this is the biggest fear in the world is failure. looking bad? What does it mean I write when you fail if you don't have the right relationship with failure, which many people don't? What does it mean? It means I shouldn't have done that. I knew I shouldn't have left my comfort zone. I know I don't like it here. I know it's not great. But out there. It's way worse. That's because that relationship was failures so backwards. Like, like I like when I do my power quest. The last thing is, is action. And I send them on a scavenger hunt. Whether it's live or virtual, I give them the scavenger thing. And the reason I send them a scavenger and I said, Look, you're gonna go find these things unless you're going to go do these things on the list. Okay, cool. I go. But let me ask you a question. I just want to make sure before you start, if you happen to look in the cabinet or under something and you don't find something. Are you going to quit? Are you going to say I should have never done this scavenger hunt? I knew I wasn't good at it. Or are you going to say, Oh, now I know it's not there. That's progress. Oh, Now I know not to do that, oh, that's progress. And then everything becomes an outcome. And every outcome becomes a progress. It's either you know what to do, or you know what not to do that's growth, or going in the right direction.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:20:16

Exactly. And when you, and that's such a nice way of thinking about things, because so many times people think of failure is that, that means I'm bad, I'm terrible, or I can never get it right. Or it all the kind of laying on the negativity that happens. But failure is you're saying is, is progress. And that's what the soul wants. The soul wants us to make progress. So it doesn't really care if you want it, or you lost it, how did you react to it? And how are you managing it, because it is progress, it is soul growth. And so that that concept of soul growth also ties into the fact that when we have these experiences coming our way, it creates a courage which is coming up in the age of the heart, the courage, the roaring of the cell, that you're understanding that, by me doing this, I love my soul, I love God, great enough to be able to continue on this path, because I know it is the right thing to do. And it will have an outcome that will be positive and helpful. And even when if it takes a curveball, I'm still learning something and growing from it. And again, as I said, in the first segment, we take the silver lining, and we leave the rest.

Scott Feld: 00:21:34

I love that. I was I kept thinking about like, just kind of a fun way, if the soul was like, standing next to us, like it was like this cute little like creature or whatever it is stood next to us. And we stepped out of our comfort zone because we were following our soul, right? guiding us. And we had the courage to do it. But then we got out, we looked back. We failed, right? It looks bad. And we grabbed the hand of our friend here, the soul we pull them back is like what? What are you doing? Like, I got to work? We're going for like, no, no, no, it's scary out there. Because God gave us choice. This is our freedom. This is our, our thing. So the soul, which is God can't say don't. It can only say do and encourage. Right? But we have the ability to pull back and say no, no, no, no, no. And if we get it, we get that we're following our soul, and allow our soul to be that leader. Trust, believe, right, this is what real belief and faith is in the unseen. This is like go like you can hear it, you can feel it. This is your fulfillment. And the more you do it, the more comfortable the better. And the more of that you can do and the bigger of it. You could do all the soul, but we keep pulling them back into our world right controlling it, instead of following it. I don't know if that makes sense. It makes sense in my head, though.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:11

Yeah, I mean, it is so true. I mean, whatever image and I said this in one of my episodes is find an image that you have for your soul. Minus is all that of light is my image, you know, each one will have an image of their soul, it could be a teddy bear, it could be a shell, you know, whatever it may said, brings comfort and love and positivity to you is you want to do that. Because then you're knowing that you are more than what your your physical form is. And so if you are as you gave that analogy is, is that if your souls the wrong side of you, and then your soul is trying to advance and you said no, no, no, we can't do that. You are limiting yourself. You aren't. And you're not even knowing that you're doing that. Oh, you know, she feels lousy. On you feel empty? Yeah. Yeah, in some

Scott Feld: 00:24:05

way. Yeah. And what do you think is limiting? You don't think it's you limiting you you think the world is limiting you? You think it's doing it? Because you don't see your power? See, you could keep going again, when we go back to the original thing. This is how people get past obstacles and challenges and become superstars in their life, whatever that means to them and whatever level that is of success, but that's how they do it. Right? That's when they go, Okay, there's the world and there's me and who's stronger. There's the circumstance and there's me who when and then they have that faith. They have that belief in whatever it might be, whether it be God with the beard, or it might be a universal spirit and energy a source they believe in it. They work with the law of nature of the universe and have in a cute, fun way I wrote. So I was saying I wrote this book and then I wrote this pilot for this TV show. By the same name. Inside of the pilot, what I wrote is that we have stink think you can work on the kid world here. And the stink thing, creates the blob blob blob. The Blob blob blobs are these like smelly creatures, they start out as a guest, and then they kind of coagulate into this kind of creature. And they're the ones that keep you from doing the things that you want to do. They block you. And the only remedy for a blob blob blob and the stink thing is power thinking. Because power thinking creates the power pots. And the Power Pods are this like light that comes around you. And from a power Puck, you can grab a power pellet, and you can throw it in a blah, blah, blah. Because the power thinking always can be stronger than the stink thing if you put your energy and attention to it. And so DAX with the help of Max, his inner superhero Alter Ego, every time he has think think Max has to come out and be like, Dude, what are you doing, I like can't breathe up there, like the stink thing is so much. And then he takes him on a tour of his mind. He lets them see what's happening. And then he takes them out to the world where he can kind of learn from the world. What it is, he's afraid of how it's affecting them, and how to create power thoughts, gain courage, ultimately take power pellets, beat out the blah, blah, blah, and get to where he wants to go. Now that's how it is in the TV show. But think about the how that is in our life. We have these negative thoughts, think think we either grow the blob blob blob and let it keep blocking us and taking us over. Or if we become aware of our powers. We start focusing our energy towards our power thoughts. We have to have some power thoughts right on the other side of it. So we have to learn those. We're really good at saying I can't It's too hard. And I'm no good or not as brave and courageous. I'm awesome. I can do it. That's always harder for us to say, because we don't say it enough. Feels weird. We were told that's egotistical. That was a lie. That egotistical, right, it's you affirming for yourself who you really are. Not what the world wants you to be we don't go down to people's levels, although that's what we tend to do. That's not what we're intended to do. We're intended to rise up and bring people with us to act and make the world a better place make people's lives better, right? People ask me, what is it? What is your why? Why do you do what you do, I need to leave people better. And when they found me when I saw them, I need to know that that's happening out in the world. Because if that's not happening, I'm not fulfilling my purpose of being here. So I have to switch ship. So anyway, the power thinking we start moving towards that, and bam, we become stronger, we get to get past our obstacles out of our comfort zone, calves up courage move forward.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:28:28

Unlike what you're saying about the stinky thinking

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:28:36

and also about how the power thoughts can be able to help us and I create that for the seekers through that lens. So the soul evolution is that the soul is on a journey through life experiences. And it's moving through life experience and behind an example of how to move to the higher level of ourselves through Jesus Christ in this particular case, a Buddha in another particular case, and we say showed us a way to go a path to go on. And so the soul is trying to emulate some of that Christ like a Buddha like type of experiences so that we can be able to know that there is a roadmap just as much as the roadmap you're, you're teaching for children, that they can have an understanding of their inner self. There is also for the soul, a roadmap of how to be more Christ like and be your best self. Do you see that parallel?

Scott Feld: 00:29:28

Absolutely. No, absolutely. I mean, the way that you're saying is exactly the way I think it right I don't say it in the TV show the books I want it to be a little bit more general, for all audiences to get it nobody you know how people can shut the door on something if the ideology or the theology doesn't quite match perfectly with what they were shown to believe and that's okay, but I wanted it to be more general some more available, but I totally agree with you and stuff of my own Soul, that power thinking that really is in line with Jesus that really is in line with food. Krishna, whoever the spirit guide is for you, right? And so that's the true place to go. Right everything else is our human thinking. It's the it's the programming that keeps coming at us and keeps coming out as it keeps coming out as people like to watch TV. And I always ask them, I'm like, Well, you know, if it was something that you hated that scared you that worried you, right? It gave you anxiety? Would you just keep watching it over and over? Or would you switch the channel? Well, this is a good thing. Yeah, some people do. Right? This is our thinking, right? Switch the channel, if you don't like what you're seeing.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:30:43

I think sometimes what you're doing with the children, though, Scott, that is really hard sometimes for other people to know how to do is this, how to switch the channel as to how to that you're teaching children having to, but for adults, who are children who didn't have that experience, that it becomes more challenging, because they so much ingrained. And that left way of thinking, and that learning how to do the right way of thinking.

Scott Feld: 00:31:08

Yeah, it's true. I mean, and sometimes it just takes a different perspective from somebody else, I want to share something quick with my mom, when I did a training course. And it was really all about kind of, it was a very deep dive into yourself, and who you are and how you relate to others. And one of the things I realized is that with my mom, I'd always considered her to be very opinionated. And so I related to her as opinionated avoiding conversations. And when she said something kind of like Muhammad, it's kind of like, I don't know, if I, you know, whatever. And so our relationship wasn't as close as that could be because of that, right? And I thought it was her. I'm like, well, she's opinionated. How can I deal with that?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:31:52

We were just talking with Scott about this mother. And unfortunately, we lost the connection with him. And but it does tie into all of this that we've been talking about, with Scott about, you've got it all. And it still goes wrong, why would happen. And he sharing some of these wonderful experiences that he's had in working with children, and how to help to develop them and help them have the skill sets that allowed them to be effective as children in school, and the different spheres that they find themselves in, and I welcome you to reach out to Scott. He's his links will be below and he can share more about you how he's going about putting his mission and message out into the world. Thank you. And it's been great to have that filled. Bye for now.