REAL Life Adventures in Living: Embrace Pain and Difficulties to Be Stronger and More Resilient – Part II with Guest Terry Tucker | EP 025

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, this is Dr. Judith back with Terry Tucker. And part two of our conversation, please visit part one it's been a was a delightful conversation. And here we're talking about poor to moving forward with this issue about pain and difficulty. But more so something that Terry mentioned about how we kind of get into this view about having an empty vessel that we're here to put things in to it. And in actuality, that's a misnomer. Terry, tell us more.

Terry Tucker: 00:01:30

Yeah, you know, I mean, we're, we're conditioned from birth, I mean, advertising marketing exists to tell us what we need to make us good looking or successful, or, you know, significant or whatever. And if we spent all our time like, Okay, I've got to drive this car, or I've got to, you know, get this amount of money, or I've got to live in this house, or I've got to wear these clothes. And it's all about consuming. It's all about how we consume things to fill ourselves up, and make us feel good about ourselves. But as Judith and I were talking in the first part, that tends to leave people empty, you know, as much as we consume. And as much as we fill ourselves up, we're not fulfilled, we're not we're an empty vessel. And what I what I said at the end of Part One is, maybe a different way to look at that is that we're not born empty, we're born full. And our job kind of like St. Paul says in his letter to Timothy is, is to pour ourselves out to be like a libation, and pour ourselves out for the betterment of ourselves for the betterment of our family and friends for the benefit of our fellow man. Because it's, it's not about us. But if you look at ads on social media, if you look at the ads on television, and your music, it's all about what I can get, what can I get? And if I get it, and I'll fill my fill up, and I'll feel good, but my experience and Judas, correct me if I'm wrong, I think you feel the same way. That's not the case. We don't feel good. When we're wanting more. We're always that's not enough. What What else are you going to give me. And I think that goes back to our mind or our mind set, we need to be incredibly careful how we talk to ourselves, we all have self talk, whether we like to admit it or not, we all talk to ourselves and that. And when you do that, be kind to yourself, be uplifting, be energetic, be positive, because you tend to hardwire yourself, you become what you think, in life. So if you know, I'll give me an idea for taking an algebra class and you sit in that class every day, you're like, Man, I'm terrible in algebra, man, I'm never going to do good in this class, all you're doing is hard wiring your brain to a point where you won't be good at algebra. But if you say to yourself every day, you know what I'm going to study hard, I'm going to learn this, if I don't get it, I'm going to go talk to the teacher, the professor, and I'm going to learn this. Now you're conditioning your brain to expect good things, as opposed to those negative things.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:04:12

Write down part, it goes really with this issue, your intention forms your reality. So that the more that you put your attention to all the things that are not working well, or you don't think you can be able to do, how can God stepped in to help you to show you that you can be able to do these things with a different mindset. And also the awareness that maybe the soul needs to go through that experience in order to grow in this particular way. So that just because we don't like something, doesn't mean it's not good for us. And maybe actually, because I haven't anyone had an experience, and we say went through something they really didn't like, and they came out of insight that wasn't so bad after all. In fact, I learned this, this and this, and which I would have never learned before. If I had not gone through that experience. It actually made me a better person. And that's what we're are about and still evolution, he's going through the experiencing, knowing that there is a reason why we're going through. So how do we make the best of it, so that we can continue to evolve and grow?

Terry Tucker: 00:05:12

Absolutely. And that but you know, the problem we ended up doing, and I think it sort of goes hand in hand with feeling that we're empty, is we spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to other people. You know, they're, we're all on our own unique journey, we all have unique gifts and talents. And if you look at somebody and say, well, they're making a lot of money, so you know, I shouldn't be like that. What? Why? Why should you be like, they're on their journey? Why can't you just be on your journey, and be thankful and happy and proud that they have money or they have, whatever, where, whatever it is their head, we don't do that we get jealous. And we compare ourselves, you know, I'm comparing myself to, well, you're not that person. You know, God didn't design you to be that person. And if you think about how you were designed, think about all the people, the billions and trillions of people that have been on the face of this earth, and whoever will be on the face of this earth. No person has ever been, like you, you are that unique, you are that special in your life. Nobody's ever been like you. Nobody ever will be like you. And if you start to think about that, that's Oh, my gosh, Am I really that special? And you are, you know, there's a basketball coach at University of Connecticut by the name of Geno Auriemma coaches, the women's team there. And he always tells us players, I'll treat you fairly, or I'll treat you fairly, but I won't treat you equally. Because you're you're not equal at year, one player may be able to shoot from the outside, whereas another player could not so the player who could not, it would not make sense for the team for him to let her go out and shoot an outside shot. She's not good at it. What are you good at? What are you? What are your unique gifts and talents, and then go down that road for you be happy for other people when they go down their road, but stop comparing yourself to other people.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:07:11

And that is another well said statement. And one of the things that we don't realize is that every snowflake that falls is unique. There are no two snowflakes. And there's a lot of snowflakes. So God has an effing infinite capacity. And to know that your uniqueness and what he wants you to do is to get in tune with what is your unique quality. And but we're programmed and we're conditioned and socialized to do is I need to be just like this other person. But the soul says no, no, no, I want you to be you. And I want you to discover who you really are. Because knowing that you tie into the god source and that through the sole source, then allows you to be able to say and be comforted by the fact that I'm okay with who I am. And in fact, I love who I am. And I love the gifts that I'm giving to the world. And that's what we sometimes lose sight of is that your uniqueness is here, because you have a special gift to give. And I think that's what you're making, you're alluding to earlier as well, because we don't always understand what our uniqueness is, then we kind of look elsewhere. Well, I'm not unique, everyone else is unique. No, you know, it's kind of this situation or this comment that I made with you in the break Terry, about the gold essence of who we are, if God is gold and is precious, then aren't we inheritor of that gold? And aren't we precious to and so that the glory of love's divinity exists within us that gold that God wants us to love and appreciate and value who we are. But if we're not doing that, then we're we're kind of moving into unlike a synthetic living is synthetic living is not true, true, real pure in gold of who we really are. And we have to get to the point of saying and being able to take that still time that we talked about in part one, and start reflecting I said earlier, two minutes or three minutes or five minutes or whatever about what's it that is my uniqueness that I can bring to the world that I would love to be able to do, but I may not know how to do and therefore that's when you can tap into the goal essence that God does now and can start to bring to you and show you what you need to do in order for your uniqueness to shine out in in. Yeah,

Terry Tucker: 00:09:40

yeah. But you know, I mean, think about what we all do. We we all we you know, we have goals, I've got goals, I want to do this or you know, at the beginning of the year, we have new year's resolutions. Why do so many goals and New Year's resolutions go by the wayside so quickly? I would suggest it's because we don't know anchored those resolutions, we don't anchor those goals to what our values are, we don't, we don't know whatever. And well, what's the value value is something that you're willing to give your life for a value is, you know what I have this desire, God has put this uniqueness in me, I'm interested in whatever this is, and I'm willing to work at it. For as long as it takes with the understanding that I may not be successful at it, but I love it enough, I enjoy it enough. It's part of who I am, it's part of what God gave me is that gold standard, that it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter whether I'm successful or not. So that's what a value is something that is intrinsically who you are in your heart, in your soul. That's who you are. If you know what your values are, then you can tie or anchor those goals or resolutions to those values, I always call them kind of like a if you've got a good foundation, with your values, you're much more likely to achieve your goals.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:11:08

All right, very good point. Because I think a lot of times people don't think about values and the way in which you're saying it. And I think they do need to be able to go to one of the Google so get a Google values and take a values test. Because that will begin a process of being able to be reflective of what values are really, truly important to you. So you'd have a kind of a foundation to start with. And then you take those values, and you go internally into yourself, and ask your soul and say, Okay, what do we think, guys, this is, you know, this is what I'm thinking for my outer cell. But what do you have for me, and show me and guide me and direct me, it's in my inner cell to give me an greater understanding of why these are so valuable and very important to me, at a soul level. And that type of discussion you have and yourself are asking is the call compels the answer. So we've read because we live in a planet of free will. God says until you kind of let me know if you want me to be in the game or not, I'm gonna stand on the sidelines. So if you're in a football game, or a basketball game, or whatever it may be, I'm gonna be on the bench until you let me know. And so when you say God, I need your help. I need you to help me these are the values I'm thinking about. Can you show me guide me directly about other ways in which I can look at these values and integrate them into my day to day life, then God says certainly can. So every day in every way, asking that making that call and ask them got to step in to guide and help you, you start having things come your way to help you to be able to have an anchoring in those particular values that you were you discovered for yourself. So that's a wonderful way of moving towards changing mindset. And also a wonderful way of moving towards your the ultimate goal, which is to be able to take our soul essence, and you're united with our God's source for us to have a greater sense of completeness, wholeness, fulfillment, joyfulness and service and the life that we do give, in many regards. And so the other piece of this theory that I wanted us to maybe talk a little bit more about, is, when did you become more aware that there was something more in living than what meets the eye?

Terry Tucker: 00:13:23

I think when I finally got to a point where I realized that, you know, I was sort of the hamster on the wheel, you know, just going round and round and round that, that I was just like, we talked earlier, I was consuming I was, you know, I've got to have this kind of a nice house, I gotta have the nice car, I've got it. But I was I was empty. And you know, you, you think about all the people who are are rich and powerful and have influence in your life. And that's all well and good. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. But at the end of your life, there's a Native American Blackfoot proverb, I heard years ago that goes, when you were born, you cried, and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way so that when you die, the world cries, and you rejoice. That's what I want. That's what I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to hasten My demise in any way, shape, or form. But if you look at all the things that we get in life, I've often believe you call that soul I think I call it love. You know, what we take back to our Creator, what goes with us? At least I believe this and I know there's people listening to us that don't believe in God and things like that. But what you take back is that love, it's the only thing you can take back. You can't take your money. You know, what's the old joke about you know, nobody ever saw a U haul behind the hearse, you know? So it's you can't take any of this stuff you have now and one of the truths that I've learned through cancer you is what I call sort of a legacy truth. And it's this, it's what you leave behind is what you weave in the hearts of other people. So if you're doing that, if you're if you're taking your love, if you're taking your unique gifts and talents, and you're you're pouring yourself out, like St. Paul talked about in the Bible, what you're doing is increasing the love in your heart. And when it's time for you to go, you know, God gave you this life, your gift to God is to do the very best you can with it, put as much love back into this world, and then take that love back to our Creator.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:15:40

Yeah, I think ultimately that that is the question of the soul is to know how to love in a greater way to learn to love being logged in also to give that love to others in a greater way. And there's so many it's like 1000, petals of love. And we can be able to understand the different nuances of love. Love is mercy. Love is compassion. That is appreciation, you know, there's so many different qualities that we can really wrap ourselves around, and have a joyful time giving in and also receiving it because it's the law of cause and effect, what we send out will be come out to us, but we're not doing it for that purpose. And then there's a degree of selflessness we're doing it for, because it's the great thing to do, or as we're living our life, and also what God would want us to do, and then living of our life. And so do the ups and downs that you may have, through the challenges that we have. How are we loving? You know, how are we loving through it? How are we being aware of the fact Yeah, we may scan our knee, we may not like it, we make it a bandaid, you need to put it on it. But then we get back up and we keep on moving in a better color direction that we need to. And we become more prayerful, and ask God to guide us. And to help us deal with through the difficulties of the dark night that we sometimes will go through. Because God is saying you can do this. And so we say, well, where are you? God said, No, God, this is your time you, I've given you the lessons, I've given you the experiences that you need, you can do this, use what you have. And that sometimes the other piece I think sometimes people don't even think about or recognize is that they're garnering different things in the living of their life that they can utilize during the dark times. So the difficult times as well. Any comments about that?

Terry Tucker: 00:17:28

Yeah, it's I when when I have my treatment at the hospital, I go for five days in a row. And when I react to the trial drug that I have, I throw up, I have a shake, I have all kinds of, well on Mondays, that could be hours after the drug is given to me. So they send me home. And they they give me medication to try to help when those things happen. And there have been times where I have felt like I was just in so much agony, you know, where I just, I was throwing up, I was shaking violently. I've got a headache. I've got a fever, all this kind of stuff. And you know, I'm like, literally, God, I need your help. God, I need your help. And there have been times and again, I'm a flawed human beings. There have been times where I felt abandoned. There have been times where I felt where it was like, where are you? You know, I need you right now. I don't feel you here. Is that my problem? When I made me, you know, I know you're here. I know, you're everywhere, you know, but but I did. I did feel that way. So don't I mean, don't think that Judith and I are sitting here thinking, you know, hey, everything's sunshine and rainbows and everything's great all the time. It's not, it's not I mentioned earlier, you know that I have those down days, I have days life. I'm just feeling like I need you and I don't feel you're here. Help me, help me understand that. And please come and help me get through this. Now, obviously, I always get through it. So you know, at the end of it, it's like, well, maybe, maybe I need them to learn something there. Sometimes I don't know why I feel that way. I don't. I don't know what the lesson is. Maybe I just haven't learned it yet. But I feel that way sometimes as well, in those dark times that I'm alone. So I mean, that's, I don't always feel that way. But I think

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:27

you're making a very good point because I think there are seekers who do feel alone, you know, and you know, in different degrees of aloneness, certainly. But there there is that sense of aloneness, and which I've had to you know, through my different experiences and teachings that I've gone through, look at aloneness at one man, you know, at one with something greater than myself and how do I you know, walk by faith not by sight because that's one of the things that have I had to really learn more in beginning part of my life when I first got my book came about my father gave to me, which is by Neville All your faith is your fortune. So I would never knew that that book was going to play such a vital role for me and my life. Because sometimes during those periods of time, it's really by faith that we're walking because God says, If I'm always with you, what would you do? You know what I'm you're not, I'm not with you, are you going to still hold up? And be okay, knowing that it's going to be challenging? No, it's going to be difficult knowing that you're going to go through some level of suffering, or, you know, whatever you want to call it. But do you still hold on to me? Do you still hold on to me and knowing that I am still there, I may be more silent, because there may be something that I have to learn. And one of the things I know I've had to learn in my mind is faith. walking by faith,

Terry Tucker: 00:20:51

it's not about us, you know, it's about him. And you know, sometimes, like you say, our ego gets in the way of, hey, you know, look at me, I can handle this. Well, I'm gonna show you that maybe you can't, you know, you need me as well.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:21:03

Right? Right. Because he is, again, the gold, Gol D, that he has placed with us do we recognize the gold that exists within us, that the glory of loves divinity that is within us, that we just have to hold on. And sometimes during those hard times, I know for me, Terry, you know, I put on music that's inspirational for me, you know, that helps me or find the passage that I can read, they will lift me or just sit and just be quiet and see if I can listen and hear what I need to do or be comforted. I had a girlfriend who wants told me she took this long trip out to the West. And it took her many, many hours to get there. And she had to trek through some snow in order to get to her particular cabin that she was in and she was tuckered out she was tired. And she was cold. And she was hungry. And she didn't get a chance to eat because the airlines were kind of delayed so much and everything. And then she said to God, when she laid her head on the pillow, she's just gone. I don't know why you went through all of this. But please comfort me, you know, in this situation, and she felt this blanket go over her. She said she felt this blanket and literally a flank of comfort. And she felt so warm. There was no one else in the cabin, you know, but it's like this blanket that went over me. So sometimes God does things in mysterious way. So we can't always know. And that's where I think that faith in that prayerfulness you call it prayerfulness or you call it discussion. It's all the conversations with God, whatever you want to call it can be so valuable, because we can maintain the connection. Yeah.

Terry Tucker: 00:22:43

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I never, you know, it's like, well, I didn't feel you were there strong. I don't believe in you anymore. I don't want anything to do with you know that that never happened for me. But I guess the point of telling that story is to really make people realize that, you know, things aren't great all the time. And I've certainly experienced that where I am really hurting, can you please help me, and I just didn't feel they were there. And maybe that's because I need to increase my faith. You know, maybe I need to get more in touch to spend more time quietly, thinking, observing, listening and seeing where that takes me.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:24

Sometimes I think we go through those challenging experiences, because you've had some religious, you know, challenging, difficult experiences that you've gone through. And it's purifying you, I was just thinking how gold and the different degrees of goal you have 10 carat, 12 carat. And you know, as I talked about in one of the podcasts, or my guests did, you know you have childcare as your 14 cares, you have 18, you have 24. And sometimes, you know, the 24 is the highest. And so that's the highest level of goal that we want to have. And sometimes we may be at, you know, 14 carats, and God says I want you to be 18 now, and so we go through the experience and realizing is you don't have to know why you just have to hold on to it because he's purifying you to the next level to the 24th carat, and then you're shining in a way and experiencing things that your soul needs to go through. And that's the other language that takes place. It's the language of the soul, and the growth of the soul that may have to go through it, because it's working off some level of density. And I think that gold, you know, like I talked about before, you know, different, you know, different degrees of carrots and for working out off that density that it wouldn't be able to do otherwise. So it feels excruciating, painful and I get that and I think you're making and bringing that up to our seekers is so important because it really does hit the point is like will happen and like will be difficult and it will be painful. But it is for a reason that we may not know what it is or when you It's gonna happen. But can we hold on to our faith and realize that God is purifying Yes, for a greater purpose. And through that purification we have can love and a deeper and more profound way that maybe we couldn't love otherwise. And that that love then do that service be gift to others is so precious, what forgiving. And those meetings that you have or those contexts you have, when you're at the hospital, you're giving something to them see an unseen of gifts.

Terry Tucker: 00:25:31

You know, I want to thank you for that, because I never thought about looking at it that way, you know, that maybe I was being purified, maybe I was getting better in that, you know, I just felt alone. So, you know, I thank you for you know, it's just a different perspective for me. So thank you for that.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:25:51

You're welcome. You're welcome. So I know our time has moved by pretty quickly, with this second segment and terms of our talking, and I have found it so delightful to have this conversation and be able to share with the seekers, your your world, and some of the experiences that you've gone through, and also the pearls of wisdom that you've been able to garner and give to our listeners as well. And it sounds like you're an avid reader.

Terry Tucker: 00:26:19

I love to read I you know, I think everybody should be a lifelong learner, you should die learning. And that's, you know, I'm a little bit limited limited in my mobility. So reading is a great outlet for me, my wife and I both, we're always here for you. You should read this book and stuff like that. We're going back and forth with it. So yes, absolutely.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:26:38

That's great. That's great. So in this part two, any other thoughts that you want to leave with our listeners and the things we've talked about or things that we haven't talked about?

Terry Tucker: 00:26:48

Yet? Let me let me just leave you with one more story if I may. I've always been a big fan of Westerns growing up. You know, when I was young, my mom and dad used to let me stay up late and watch you know, Bonanza and Gun Smoke and my favorite was wild wild west 1993 The movie Tombstone came out. It starred Val Kilmer as a man by the name of John Doc Holliday and Kurt Russell as a man by the name of Wyatt Earp. Now Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp are two living breathing human beings who walked on the face of the earth are not made up characters just for the movie. And Doc was called doc because he was a dentist by trade. But pretty much Doc Holliday was a gunslinger and a card shark. And why on earth had been some form of a law man almost his entire adult life. And somehow these two men from entirely opposite backgrounds come together and form this very close friendship. And at the end of the movie doc holidays dying of tuberculosis at a sanitarium in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, which is about three hours from where I live, the real dark holiday died at that Sanitarium is buried in the Glenwood Springs cemetery. And why it at this point is life is destitute, he has no money, he has no job, he has no prospects for a job. So every day he comes to play cards with Doc and the two men pass the time that way. And in this almost last scene, they're talking about what they want out of life. Doc says, you know, I was in love with my cousin when I was younger, but she joined a convent over the affair, but she's all that I ever wanted. And then he looks at why he says what about you what what do you want, and why it says, I just want to lead a normal life. And Doc looks at him and says, there's no normal, there's just life and get on with living years, Judith, you and I probably know people that are sort of sitting back. But well, when this happens, I'll have a normal life. Or when this occurs of a successful life, or when that arises out of a significant life. What I like to leave your listeners with is this, don't wait. Don't wait for life to come to you get out there, find the reason you were put on the face of this earth, use your unique gifts and talents and live that reason. Because if you do at the end of your life, I'm going to promise you two things. Number one, you're going to be a whole lot happier. And number two, you're going to have a whole lot more peace in your heart.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:29:12

And I will just add underscore that within your soul will have a greater sense of wellness, and a greater sense of balance and a greater sense of evolving and a greater sense of feeling delightful and lightness in how you go about living your life. So thank you for that and how may they reach out to you if they want to contact you?

Terry Tucker: 00:29:33

Sure. So I have a blog called motivational check every day I put up a thought for the day and with that thought comes usually a question about how you can apply it in your life. I have recommendations for books to read videos to watch and you can leave me a note or a message there. It's simply motivational. check.com

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:29:53

Excellent. Well Terry its been another delightful time spending with you and talking about the Soul evolution and also your experiences with that. And we'll say bye for now everyone, take care.