Breaking New Ground: REAL Life Adventures in Living - Having No Voice to Active Voice and Soul Expression with Special Guest Trisha Waters | EP 016

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering Life’s Adventures , an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are Mastering Life’s Adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

Hi, you're welcome back. In this segment, we're focused on Real Life Adventures related to shifting, in this case from having a voice to not having a voice. And I'd like to welcome a special guest, Trisha Waters, who is here to talk with us about moving from having no voice to having a voice. I thought this would be helpful for our listeners to listen to what she has done to have more of an active voice as she's moved through her ups and downs and living of her life adventures. And this is related to our conversation about how to be your best self and soul evolution, how she has become and has continued to be her best self, and soul evolution. And each day is an important day that gives us a new opportunity to be our best self. And the backdrop of this conversation is three metaphors that I mentioned in episode number one, as well as I believe it was an episode number two or three. That through we need to look at our life experiences that we go through from the standpoint of is that a skateboard moment through through life, that we slow things down and look at what we need to look at and see it from different perspectives. Do we have to be like a cork in water. And that means we just need to float and relax and know that we're supported by a higher force that is higher, that is helping us through the situation? Or do we need to be like a trampoline. And that is related to bouncing, bouncing a little bit more bouncing and looking at a higher elevation and bouncing to look at what is the higher meaning of what we're going through in our life. And is there another way of looking at that higher perspective, that will give us a greater understanding. And therefore through knowledge, there is power, through wisdom, there is wise action. We're going to talking about these three different types of metaphors. As we're moving and looking through the adventures of Trisha Waters. I'll be asking her to look at this from this perspective. And then in future and in one of the past episodes, I talked about dark threads in the fabric of gold. And gold represents to the glory of love's divinity. And so that goal, what is the fabric of your soul. And so sometimes we have these dark threads in the fabric of our soul, not necessarily even being aware of it. And what we're learning to do through life experiences is pulling those threads out those dark threads out and allowing the goal which is our soul, to better shine. So the goal is to be able to allow our soul to better shine. And in that light and in the essence of his source, which is God the Lord, the I Am that I Am the odd man. Welcome Trisha. It's good to have you. This is Trisha waters. She is a mother, a military wife, as well as a covenant life coach. And at the core essence of who she is, is being more I like and God fill in her different directions that she's moving in her life. So welcome, Trisha.

Trisha Waters: 00:05:10

Thank you, Judith, for having me on today.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:05:13

Oh, you're welcome. So we're going to jump right on in. So tell me a time in your life in which you found that you didn't have a voice?

Trisha Waters: 00:05:23

Yeah, so there's been a few looking back. The first one was in my first early memory of really the voice just stopping was when I was in the hospital. I was 18 months old, having my right kidney removed, people were coming in trying to make me laugh and cheer up, because they were recognizing that I was not smiling anymore. And I just really felt like I couldn't speak because there was just there was a lot for an 18 month old to go through. So I felt like that's kind of a normal timeframe where something would happen where there wasn't a voice, but I recognize that the voice never really came back after that. And in in doing the searching out, and looking at, Huh, why? Why is that? I was seen through other events that I really started to see things and how others were seeing me and looking at them. And one of the next big events was when I was seven years old, and my dad had committed suicide. He wasn't living with us at the time. But I was sitting around the room with my aunt, my mom and my sister, and everyone's crying. And even my stepfather when he came home, he even had tears. And I'd never seen him have tears. So everyone's crying yet I wasn't, I felt very relieved and not sad. And the main reason why I felt relieved was because there wasn't going to be any issues, there wasn't going to be any more pain coming from him, there wasn't going to be more confusion over if you really thought it was his or not, there wasn't, I wasn't going to see my mom suffer through the emotional turmoil that I saw her every single time she had to interact with him. I wasn't going to see him honestly, in pain any longer either. So it was a very overwhelming NIS sense of a relief. And so in that moment, though, I felt like that emotion in that that thought was wrong. Because it was so different than what everyone else was feeling and

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:07:38

expressing. Well, it sounds like you were, in some ways, very sensitive, and observant to see all this information going on around you all these different things going on around you. And you took it in another level, which is similar to a soul the soul has so many different things is aware of. And, and also, you're also getting your point about the soul needs to to be protected to Yeah, and one way of protecting ourselves sometimes is not having a voice just being quiet.

Trisha Waters: 00:08:10

Yes. And that's really what what we're that started to come from was yeah, it was the protection and the shield that was being built. And I used to call it a wall that just it was like a glass wall. And then as more events took place in life, it became a concrete to a brick and just got stronger and thicker until God really came in and started showing me love and grace that happen. Yeah. And so how that that came from an event where my friend was in a play at her church, I wasn't going to be able to see it. I was a competitive bowler through high school and college. And I wasn't going to be able to see this, because I was going to be competing that weekend. So I was able to go to her one of her practices. They were working on their practice and singing but the scene that they were showing on stage was the scene of of a woman who was talking on the phone talking about how she had just visited women in the prison how she had just also given clothes to the needy and all these really really good things. But then she's meeting up with her family and they get into an accident. And it's showing then the next scene this this guy comes out in a white robe and mind you at this time I really had never been taught anything about God I had been hurt I heard of him I had gone to my my aunt a few times to a Catholic church just but there was still no like real understanding of who are who God was or who any of that. Right there was no right there was no sense of connection here. There was always a sense of there has to be more to this life and this longing for that connection. Question but no real meat on the bone, so to speak with it. And in this scene, though, with this with this guy coming now, the dad and the daughter are going up the stairs, and the mom started to try to go, but she couldn't go. And the guy, she's like, God, I served you, I loved you. I did all these things. And he then comes back saying, Those who call me by my name, but do not know me, are not mine. They're not mine. And, and how he was described, and I was like, whoa, okay, what is this? I'm very confused, because she did all these really good things. So what does it take them to go to heaven to go to this place and have this intimacy. And as I was questioning this, the next part of the scene is she is being dragged off into hell. And this woman had, man, she had Jodie Foster, the other woman who screamed in horror film completely, completely, just wow, it was it was earth shattering. And so I just my soul for the next week or two was like, wow, okay, what in the world? Am I missing here? This? So I was very intrigued and actually started than going to with her. Yeah, I had

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:11:27

I just had a question. So you said that God said if you do not know me. And so but she thought she knew God. Yes. So what was the disconnect? Do you think in that that play that you were noticing? Yeah. And so

Trisha Waters: 00:11:43

observing? Yeah. And that's what I was trying to figure out the next couple of weeks was, what is that disconnect? What? She did all these good things, but what what was it that she needed differently? And through my own personal discovery, just, again, taking that observation side, and when I continued to go to church with her and the youth group, and just hearing what was being said, hearing the songs that were being saying, and really listening to the words, and and it came down for me when I was hearing you talk to the Lord, there was a part and there was like, Oh, well, he's dad, he's, he's, yeah, he's guy, but he's dad. So there's this intimate connection. For me that was that had never been met in this manner. And I was like, wow, okay. So for me, it was this realization of he was this protector that had never been there. That and that was, yeah, you know, and I mean, we're talking now over 20 years later, and I still can feel that initial protection in that moment that was so beautiful.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:13:02

It's more heartwarming is body warming is comforting to the soul. It is. So it's like a relief to actually to have that direct connection. And like you're saying that intimacy, which is what the soul desires, so much have to So you've just, it was like a relief? That's the word that comes to my mind.

Trisha Waters: 00:13:25

Yes, it was, it was it was that, that part that was always longing. And then and now it was like, Oh, I don't have to look anymore. I don't have to figure this out. Now, then the journey became that more that longing became I just want to understand him more now that I have, the more than I was looking for. Now, the next part of the journey in this process was oh, wow, what more is there with him? What does this adventure look like? What is? What is? What is it? What's what's in store? Now that there is this tangible piece that I can that I can cling to?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:14:08

Wow. You know, we always talk about people are in search of this missing element, there's something missing, they get the big car and they get the get house and they get their spouse and they on the partner and they get the children and they get get get. And then it's like, but something's still missing, which I've talked about in previous podcasts, too. And it's like, what is the very thing that you're mentioning that was missing? Is this intense, loving, all embracing connection to one's true source, which is God? Yeah. That's very. What do you think, though, in the process of going through that awareness, and you're talking about the next part of that journey for you? What do you think has been the biggest frustration or maybe even barrier sometimes to keep that connection?

Trisha Waters: 00:14:59

Yeah. So you would think right in my mind, my 15 year old self was like this should live should be easy now. And I think I think as we come to this point with God, and we and we get this, then we, there is a belief that it should all of a sudden be really easy. And for me, it was realizing, Oh, this is not easy. And it was starting to change patterns that had been ingrained for 15 years, a way of doing things a way of living. So that was probably part of the biggest frustration was still feeling like I didn't have a voice. But yet that voice was screaming internally. Now to get out. There was that fire in my soul that just wanted to say the things that I was seeing, say the, when I would see very hypocritical things happening in church or in the world when I would see things that it just was not the way I could see how God had designed it from his from what I had been seen in scripture from what even just that that natural intuition and wisdom that I believe that we have been given. So I was just that was kind of the hardest part was just realizing I'm seeing these things, but still can't say anything. And because Well, the main thing I didn't understand why at the time, now I do so you this to the journey of healing, I had to heal from a lot of trauma from my childhood, I had to also realize that there was, however this that even if I said something that someone didn't agree with, I was still going to be okay. So I was still trying to protect myself from being hurts. So that is where I still couldn't speak because I was so fearful of still being hurt in some kind of way from another person still took on other people's emotions and expectations and not an even what I perceived God's expectations were.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:30

Yeah, you know that the phrase that came to my mind, or you're saying that, you know, that statement Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? Well, that's not true. Words can't hurt us.

Trisha Waters: 00:17:41

Yes, I remember I remember saying that, actually, in childhood when a lot of the trauma was happening. And I would every single time, I would say it I'm like, but it still hurts. That doesn't change it.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:56

Yes, because there is something I'm going to talk about in future podcasts on the power of the spoken word, and the word and can't be like daggers. Or they can be gentle and kind as angels, in terms of our speech and delivery of things. But yeah, so I'm hearing that your journey through life, you're in terms of different experiences that you're having, and you're still having this connection to God, but also, you're still dealing with life issues, that have come up in the past and have moved into the now and move into the future. And you know, that you've had to deal with and you know, in a really conscious and intentional way. So what do you think would be one thing that people don't realize about not having a voice?

Trisha Waters: 00:18:43

I think, people, when we think of not having a voice, I don't even think people have been able to even identify, that's what's going on. I think there's this internal struggle of, I see something in or I feel something or I want something more, but I can't seem to get it, I can't grab on to it or take a hold of it. There's something missing. And even though God was there, and he was no longer missing, there was still something in my brain that was not connecting those thoughts. And I was still behaving out of the old thought pattern and had not had a coach or anyone that I like how I have had the last few years to really help pull me up out of the pit. And I did have people disciple me and train me in God's word. Absolutely. But I didn't have someone helping with the thoughts around life issues. And that has, for me has been the biggest difference.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:19:46

And I'm gonna just was thinking about when you were saying that and you had said before that not having a voice also was bringing anger. You know, it's kind of getting angry. Yeah. And we don't realize that a anger that we internalize become habitual. And so sometimes that's what we're trying to move through.

Trisha Waters: 00:20:06

Yes, yeah, exactly, yes, that it became such a pattern and a way of, of living life. And it was like, I don't want to live this life and God, through my, my reading and understanding him more was seen he in John 1010 says, I want you to have life, have it to the full, and to, for it to be abundant. And the reality is, that's not in one area. That's every single area. And so I would see people at this point in my life, when I was really recognizing this, I was full on in my entrepreneurial career, I was with a business coach and was seeing my business thrive. But I was having a hard time translating all of these things over into other areas. And I was like, well, it's supposed to be in every single area that says abundant life. And, and so that's what I was, that was part of that journey. Next was figuring out how do I have this? It abundant life in every area? How do I find, in a sense, that voice that speaking into all areas, not just the business, not just I wasn't yet a mom, but I knew we wanted that all those different things?

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:21:24

Yeah, and I hear that loud and clear. Because sometimes we think that because we have that connection with God, then everything should be hunky dory. But God says you're living your life. And we want you to learn how to live it abundantly. And there are certain experiences that you may need to go through to help you to see are you going to choose the abundant life? Or are you going to choose to restrict it live? My thoughts and our feelings and our actions and our deeds? So that is quite right on target. And that happens, what you're saying, I think many of our listeners will understand like, I got it here. But what about these other areas? What am I doing?

Trisha Waters: 00:22:04

Right? And that's where I really think that's where community really does play a part in finding a community that has a similar voice. Even if you haven't figured out how to actively vocalize your voice, you have figured out internally, what you're really wanting, and I was in different communities. And again, they would they would work, but they weren't hitting every area. And when I was just like God, I really need something that can help me with every area, I actually Googled mom, entrepreneur, and came across Hannah Keeley, and mom, Master University. And as I was diving a little bit more into into her I was like, Oh, wow, she's kind of yeah, this is I feel like this might be kind of my try my people because she was saying things, abundant life in every area, she was saying things that just really hit that soul part of me that just longed for freedom in all of these areas. So I have been around her now nine years. And in part of her process and her group of just each time she would bring something new out. And as she was training and learning, I would jump right in and say okay, let's do the next thing. Because whatever she was doing fit very much in line with where God was having me go with finding my voice.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:26

And I think there are many different avenues that you just mentioned, one that people can go in terms of having a greater voice, but it first begins with understanding self. And understanding what are those things and those dynamics that are occurring within myself and my soul that is affecting my active voice, as others are trying to teach me because we've had Jesus who was a teacher who came as a ratio, or we have Buddha as a person who was teaching us some principles and precepts. We've had even great masters and saints who have been able to do that all are trying to teach us how to do it. And then we have to gain the south mastery around it. And so that's what I'm seeing is in terms of that community that can live in communities where ways in which you are getting maybe tidbits of information. But ultimately, you found a community that helped you the best, but it also is like, how did it help you in expressing your voice around challenging types of situations tarnish? What was there? Was there a challenging situation you had and you found you're able to have a more active voice?

Trisha Waters: 00:24:32

Yeah, it's so it's it's still been part of that process. And I feel like it's only honestly been the last month or so where I've really actively been vocalized like very vocal, but there was some times in the last couple years my husband came back from a deployment. And it was a rough deployment. I didn't realize how rough it was until we did some looking back and stop some negative cycles that were happening in our home. I'm in the emotional side of it. But in this process, I was realizing there are some things that are taking place that are not quite right. But yet, how do I help it? How do I work through this, and I still longing and praying and seeking out God for this. And then I found myself, I needed to go a little bit deeper. And so I hired a nother coach to help me in this area. And that is where, for myself, I needed someone else to help pull out my thoughts to help me get out of the fog and out of the place that my brain was just staying in. And so that's how I personally needed to go through it was I needed that person who could directly be full honest with me, when I was trying to hide again, when I was trying to build up though she was able to call it out, and to speak into that at that place and say, Okay, well let's let's work with your brain, what is your brain trying to keep you safe from and what what is your heart's trying to keep you safe from because I actually through this process started to develop heartburn. And, and this heartburn was is an even when I have it now it's an indicator that I'm trying to keep myself safe from something. And the moment I grab a thought that is safe. And that helps me that in light of what I was keeping myself safe from so for me a big part was emotions. And now you know, not wanting to have them and pushing them away from all those emotionals the emotions that I had from growing up, like the fear and really allowing myself to sit in that. So I went through this this summer really for a good two weeks of allowing myself to sit in fear. But in a healthy, safe environment that I'm in now, but actually feeling those emotions that I never really allowed myself to feel in childhood. And so that also allowed that voice to come out because I then was normalizing these emotions, to the point of where when I would feel fear, my heart wasn't racing anymore. It wasn't causing heartburn. It's, oh, fear is a normal emotion. Okay. And so recognizing that no matter what emotion I have come up even now through excitement and some greater, greater joyful emotions that are taking place will still cause some heartburn because it's, it's, it's not normal yet. And so I'm creating space for motions to be normal.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:27:45

Yeah, and when you're, you're sharing that the image that came to my mind was learning the day, the Coke, cork and water. And just being with it and being aware of it, and not feeling that you're gonna flounder and you gotta sweat harder, you got to do something different, or you got to fight it. Right? You know, or you feel like you're drowning, none of that at all. But it's just being a cork and water and allowing the water to support, you're allowing their emotions to move by you being pulled down by the particular emotion or the intensity of the emotion that takes place. And that cork analogy can be so powerful. So sometimes for people and take away that you have to force something to happen to be different. Well, I don't want to be angry, therefore, I'd have to be calm. So you pulled it in, suck it up. Inside, you're still angry.

Trisha Waters: 00:28:42

Right? Right. Exactly. It was a it was a definitely a constant pushing the emotions down. Because right, because of what I had said earlier in my story, I wasn't allowed to have those emotions. Because it wasn't right. It wasn't normal, because everyone else had complete opposite emotions than me. And so it was, it's been a journey of finding, oh, no, the way that I have felt and believed and thought was right. For me. It was exactly what I needed. Because that's how I was made and created. And that's how I was seeing things. And so recognizing. So that was I guess that part of that journey of finding the voice a little bit more was realizing, oh, everything that I have felt and thought all through life was completely normal. And it was mine.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:29:34

Yeah, and you're hitting that lovely point of how do we claim the realness of who we are? How do we claim the pressure? You gotta be aware of it, the realness of who we are. And then how do we claim it every day in every way? Every day, in every way, because there's always going to be this encroachment that happens and the encroachment is the what I call the not self then not it's not true to who we are. They always want to lose fingers all our pull us back like a magnet and filings pull us back to this old thought, or Oh way old emotion. And we got to say, no, no, I'm taking that magnet away. And I'm going to be true to who I am. And what I know who I am now, because I'm always evolving to and that's what God wants us, for us to, to always continue to evolve to him and his direction. And that connection that you're talking about.

Trisha Waters: 00:30:31

Yeah, and with that, that brings to mind what we had spoken about before doing this call of the bridge thoughts and how sometimes, you know, we want something and we see oh, yeah, I want this thought. So for myself seeing oh, I want to be a conqueror, I see that I am that. But my brain was really holding on to being a survivor. And so I had to kind of start instead of saying, Oh, I'm a conqueror, because I couldn't fully grasp it. And hold on to that I had to go more into the I am more than the survivor. I am also a conqueror, you know, and sit with that for a week. And now even as of this morning, it was like, Yeah, I'm a conqueror. And I can see that, and you can hear the boldness and the strength behind it. But that took some time to get there. Even though I wanted it last week, my brain was still like, Huh, that's a little too much. It was that magnet, right? Like what you were talking about, with the magnet trying to hold on a little bit longer. And so really had to do some different techniques through the through the week, of taking that survivor and making her smaller and showing the reality of who she really was and is and where she originally came from, to make her less in, like using your magnet analogy and making it less magnetized and allowing to in a sense to de magnetize her and to let her go. But let her still be a part of me but let her go have the strength that she was holding on to

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:32:08

correct and this is a lovely way. And we're gonna have you come back for us to talk about this next segment in this next piece between knowing that in terms of what we were talking about when we were just chatting earlier on before we did the Zoom call today about this, these bridge thoughts, which will continue to have this conversation around that and also what you're talking about in terms of moving that survivor type of energy into the conqueror, and how you've been able to make that happen. Is there one pearls of wisdom that you would like our listeners to take away from this segment of excuse me, mastering nice Avengers, being yeah self,

Trisha Waters: 00:32:47

I would say from from this part of the segment is just how the things of our past do have a place in our life. And they are part of the journey to finding our voice are part of that journey of having the abundant life that God has told us we can have. And so I would love to see your listeners to recognize that they can have abundant life in every area that it doesn't have to be in just one.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:33:22

Excellent and they can speak it aloud. But they are wanting. Thank you Trish look forward to a turn next connection.