Breaking New Ground: Convictions, Habits, and Self-Mastery | EP 013

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know. And to who you really are Mastering life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:00

I've been giving some thought and thinking about something as relates to our convictions, or habits and self mastery. Many times we may have a conviction to be able to do something. But we may not always follow through. Why does that happen. And one of the things that we can have a conviction around is for example, not getting angry, not being patient. And also, we can have a conviction around one to lose weight, or conviction around we want to get up early and start our day early as opposed to starting it later in the morning time. These are all thoughts, convictions, desires that we have. And what we have to think about is when we go to implement them, we're pretty good for the first week, two weeks, even three or four weeks, sometimes six weeks. But then what happens that we slip back into old habit patterns.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:02:12

That's what I'm curious about. I know there's a lot of complexity to it. And we're not going to get into the complexity. But we can get into some of the commonalities that happen with whatever desire that you're trying to make a shift or change in, as I said before, be with getting not getting so angry or being more patient or wanting to lose a few pounds or wanting to get up early. Well, is your son coming down with you to this that we're looking to be able to do besides you. Everyone has, you know, a self that wants to have some improvements, so that we got that. But there are certain said or unsaid assumptions that are being made. And for example, one assumption can be made is that I can do this, it's, you know, all it takes is willpower. And by my will, I can be able to hold on to what I want to achieve. But what has been shown again and again is it takes more than just well, will may be a good step in the right direction. But I would say to you will is not the answer to what you're trying to achieve. Because will we get thwarted by we get tired or we get tired of pushing the boulder up the mountain. And if you're pushing that boulder continuously up the mountain, there's a there's a fatigue factor and the ball, the boulder goes back down the mountain. And then you push it back up and push it back up and push it back up the second and third and fourth time is like God, you know, I get to a certain point. And then I get tired. And so then I don't follow through and whatever that particular conviction that you have for yourself and the bullet goes right back down to the way you used to be. That's frustrating. And that is discouraging. So we have to think about then what's my assumption might is my assumption that by willpower, that's all that's needed for me to be able to make a change. Because the desire that you have a wanting to be better, wanted to be your best is great. But it may not be sufficient. So the next conviction that we have, the second one may be is that we'll remember a resolution that we have or the conviction that we have remember it 365 days of the year and to the infant item that we'll be able to do that and you know what? The Human Condition is not that way we remember for a long period of time and then all of a sudden things some person's situation event I happens and we end up eating a little bit more than we won't want to eat at that particular event, oh, we end up being annoyed and angry at our child or a teenager for just not just but some type of behavior that was they did that was not appropriate or right at all, we may get impatient at a colleague or co worker, because of them making, quote, unquote, a stupid remark that didn't have much forethought or thought behind it. Because we went to bed at 2am. And why do we expect to get up early, when our body's saying, I don't think so.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:05:40

Not doing that. But you did so well, for the past month, or the past six weeks. And then all of a sudden, something happens, as I just mentioned, and you seem like you're heading back to ground zero, in terms of what you've been trying to put into place, and it gets discouraging. Now the third assumption, that we assume that it should be reasonably easy, with whatever conviction, think of conviction or something that you wanted to change, and you said, well, it should be easy, I should be able to do this is a good direction I want to move in. So I should be able to do this as not being aware that underneath the desire is habits and habits, or energetic energy that is round up very, very tightly through the neural pathways of our body, they're the two aspects, really, terms of habit patterns, are round up so tightly that their automatic neural pathways are formed in the brain and in the rest of the body, that are so well worn, that they become habit. So either way you want to look at it is, you know, these energetic energies that have been habitual, that we automatically do we get angry when this happens. So we find that rear get nervous when this happens, which leads us to want to eat something and so to some comfort eating or refunding that we are I'm having to step a little bit later because we have this project or this focus that we're trying to climb. But it doesn't allow us to fulfill our desire, our conviction, which was to be able to get up early in the morning time, or to be able to begin to lose weight, or to be able to show more patients with our child's or with a significant other or with colleagues. So we are now in this forgetful zone. And that forgetful zone, which moves us into is not as easy. Because when we're forgetful, we don't remember what we need to remember, which is those convictions that we have for ourselves. And then when we slip into those forgetful zone, then we get annoyed at ourselves to and and then then we may give up to listen to us. And the fourth assumption we make is is that is the right thing to do. Now, that's a great assumption, it is many of the things that we're trying to do to improve ourselves, especially ones walking a spiritual path we're trying to do to be a better person. And even if you're not walking a spiritual path, it is still something you want to do just to be a better person. But the right thing to do, may not carry the weight that it's needed for us to be able to make the shift and the change is an intellectual awareness is the right thing to do. And what happens is,

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:30

these particular habit patterns or neural pathways that are formed within our beings are actually at a deeper level than the mental aspect only it is at a subconscious level. And so they become automatic, these particular things that we find ourselves that we're doing, don't allow us to achieve the behaviors or the convictions that we are wanting to achieve. So it's right for example, to want better health is right to want to have more patience with your child, it is right to be able to want to get up early to start your day to get more things done. It is right to be able to make sure you're showing greater patience and grace with colleagues, co workers, those that are your leading all that is the right thing. But we have to know that we have many different wheels within wheels within wheels within us that are operating, that have formed at the now moved into the subconscious levels that are still operating. And just because we forgot that desire that we said, I really love, fill in the blank. I really love this cream pie. And so every time I see my cream pie, my will doesn't quite make it to stopping me and I have to have a taste. Let me just have a taste of it. Are we really want to be able to have more patience with our child but our child just is something that was really really not so great, and so impinged upon The whole family. And so now we're annoyed and frustrated about that, or our colleague is in a meeting, saying something that is very embarrassing to the whole team. And so you're furious about it. So what we may want to do is to be aware that there's gaps that happen in our awareness about how to make a shift and a change and a particular behavior. And be aware that consistency does help. And that's what you're trying to do is be more consistent. But maybe it shouldn't be through just will. And it has to be through other variables to be that consistency. And that we have to also always be a to, and a fun way to what I like to call alert from this, that we're alert to what we're trying to make a shift in and aware of the fact that we're not going to always remember that we're on that path, and we're just trying to change this one particular quality or attribute or whatever it may be. Because life happens, life gets busy, you get fatigued. Yeah, there's many things that interrupt our ability sometimes to be able to achieve the goal that we're trying to achieve. So one of the missing elements that I want you to think about, and there are probably many, several, but I'm just going to talk about a couple of them. Three or four of them, is that the willpower is not the only ingredient that is needed to make shifts, and to have greater self mastery. It is heart power is the heart aligning with the will, the heart is the why I love what I'm doing. I love this higher source, getting back to that soul principles. And those sores that I love, as I think Jesus said, and love God greater than this human nothingness that's going on around me that are within me, that I was asked who really should I say sent you and he said, you know, say again, I am that I am but that I Am that I Am The I Am source that I love that. And I'm getting more aware and embodying that that's why I gave you some of those exercises to do and the previous episodes to love God more than this human nothingness, this human habit pattern that can be transformed, because love is greater actually than will. Yeah. And when we love enough, we love ourselves, we appreciate who we are, we appreciate that inner self that is connected to the higher self, which is that soul substance of who we are, that becomes more of the tie, or more that binds us to something greater. So that love that is which is a thread turns into a bigger funnel of light of energy that can help us and remember asking not only about this conviction, but we ask that God helped me here helped me to hold Das, to this a higher desire of wanting to be able to be healthier, wanting to have greater patience, wanting to have greater fortitude to do the higher will to do your highest well, not the human. So start thinking about what's the difference between human will versus gods? Well, the other thing is, is that I mentioned earlier is that we have a lot of behaviors that have gone into the subconscious mind. And those habits patterns in their patterns of habit that are there are the subconscious or, and unconscious levels that are impacting us. And so some people will say, well, I'll just do some hypnosis. Well, actually, I don't think that's the answer. Hypnosis only. You're not doing it consciously and intentionally. And as a soul walking a spiritual path. You want mastery, you want the mastery, not have another person place in your subconscious, their mastery of what you want. You want to know how you have built your own home, brick by brick to give you the accomplishment and the mastery over it. Totally different thing. So at the subconscious mind where these habit patterns are, we have to be aware that we have to start changing those subconscious patterns. And there are many ways of doing that. One of the ways is first and foremost, start being very intentional and conscious of your choices. Either In the midst of making a choice around a particular food, or a particular event or situation that happens to you choose the higher ground, choose what is best in that moment that you know will glorify your soul and your soul source.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:15:21

In this case, I'm calling it the I Am Presence of the art mat on or remove, you can fill it in with other blank that you want, is this to the greater good? Is this eating this one, I want to have to the greater good. You may say Not really, but it tastes good. I get it. But it's not to your highest good and it's not upon the direction that you want to move in it me making this statement to my child, my teenager, or to my young adult that is pessimistic or angry or mean spirited, is that to my higher good, No, probably not, to your higher good. Or this behavior that I'm going to show to my colleague, or to my direct report, or to people that are on my tea is that behavior to your higher good. If it isn't, do you not need not do it, we start to become more conscious of the choices that we're making. And it's in through the small choices that we're becoming conscious of, and we're doing intentionally making choices that are uplifting, that are harmonious, that are wise, that are giving to others that are serving others in some particular way. It is this that also helps to strengthen actually, our convictions. So in some ways, you have to first begin by observing yourself. Take three days, four days, five days, longer if you're like, God deserve what you notice yourself doing around the conviction that you're having that you want more up in your life, if you want greater health in your life, if you want to reduce weight in some way in your life, or if you want to have more patience. Or if you want to have more joy in your life and less sadness in your life, then start observing yourself in the choices that you're making. So that's kind of the first because we have is is through the observations, we can start interrupting, making it sidestepping or saying a dead end, this is a dead end, I know what this is, this takes me I've been down this road too many times. And so I don't want to go there anymore. So you can be more playful with yourself too. And you know what I see you showing back up, I'm gonna choose to do this over here, I'm trying to go I'm going to try to do a little bit more of making sure that when I'm walking the steps and welcoming them intentionally, in order to strengthen my bones and the strengthen my tendons and I, you know, or when I'm with my child, I'm going to be more intentional about hire me, I am loving them and showing their appreciation for what I see going on, as opposed to being distracted. And on your cell phone and trying to watch your child, I'm going to be more intentional about the people that are in my world be colleagues or family members, whoever who irked me

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:18:25

and, and what I'm trying in my conviction is I want to have more patience. So if these irksome This is coming up, then you're saying great test, great initiation, for me not to take that bait with these particular family members or colleagues or whatever I just not, I'm not going to go there and instead, show the greater measure of patience that you're asking, and you're trying to work on. These are live experiences. This is live ability to move into mastering your adventures that you're having in your life here. Now, moment by moment, day by day, week, by week, month, by month, year by year. So when you start to observe, then you start to try to interrupt some of these automatic choices, these automatic habits that you engage in. And you're trying to be clear about one, just taking one that you're trying to work on and not 10 are or three or four, just one and work on it and be consistent around that particular conviction that you're wanting more of. And as you're doing that, then part of it is to is that you can begin and this is just experiment with it with something that feels really really challenging for you and you can feel it coming on the desire or wanting that particular potato chip or that desire wanting to kind of explode and be angry you know about a sister wages can breathe in, breathe out, warm your heart, warm your heart, warm your heart with a visualization of the sunset, or nature, or something you did find that brought a smile to your face, or a picture of you and your child, or your picture of you and your young adult, your teenager, or something that really is a memory that brings you some type of upliftment, some type of joy, some type of happiness, some type of feeling freedom in you, that allows you to breathe in deeper, and breathe out and feel a greater measure of harmony, appreciate. And that quality of appreciation, is what you're trying to warm the heart with. And when you warm the heart, literally put your hands and put into your heart and do that visualization, or do that love of nature, something in nature's such as that sunset, or sunrise, or the love of your child that you did something that was playful and funny that you giggle even thinking about it, or something that happened to you with a colleague that you were really happy about and very proud about and how it happened, that warms your heart. And then when you warm your heart, notice what starts to happen to you. And your ability with that conviction that you are working on, to be to lose weight, or not get angry or impatient, show more grace, or to get up early, whatever that conviction is, see if it gets easier for you to have that conviction and see it taking you step by step easier and easier to move towards that conviction. And not feel as if this old behavior, this old habit pattern is kind of trying to stick to you and not change, because we're putting our attention to the conviction of what we want. But we're not just doing it by willpower. We're doing it through this process that I'm talking about, that I want you to experiment around. And that is your observation. That is to interrupt what you notice going on in an old pattern that's happening because you have a new pattern or conviction that you're wanting to. And you're trying to either sidestep it, say it's a dead end, or be able to begin to release that old pattern by warming your heart, warming your heart, through those different visualizations that I talked about earlier. Do this for five days, seven days, even longer, if you so choose. So we're moving from conviction, actually, not only conviction, not only willpower, but moving it into a deeper desire, a soul desire for health, happiness, peace, joy.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:23:10

So we're no longer fighting through only with our conviction to want this new behavior or this new habit. But we're now pulling it into a more of a kind of like a synergistic effect. Or we're pulling in the same Okay, conviction, you have your place. But we're also the power of the heart, the love of the heart, the love of a desire for something greater, and feeling that physically in our body, and through that sensation, that felt sensation of wanting a heart to strengthen us to be able to say, I can be able to do this. No, I don't need that right now. And the other piece of that is, whatever that you were going to do, you pause and that pause creates the space for that warming of the heart to step in, and act as a buffer to help you to achieve your goal of what you had as relates to a particular quote unquote conviction of wanting to have some type of change, Self Mastery for yourself in the process of moving from no longer fighting yourself with this habit pattern, old habit pattern and this new pattern that you're trying to develop, evolve for yourself, that you are now being observant of what else is operating here. Now that I'm using this new found ability to warm my heart to be able to observe and to neighbor to me interruptions, you begin to observe another level of. So what's now happening for me? What am I notice going on? And that's what I want you to start thinking about.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:25:15

So what else is going on here? What do I notice going on? What do I notice going on and how I feel? And also how strengthening me in this process of what we've been talking about today, which is focused on convictions, habits and self mastery. So think about it. Let me know your thoughts. Until we meet again. Take care. Bye for now.