Barriers and Roadblocks to Soul Progress: #5 – Sticky Stubbornness | EP 035

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:00:06

Welcome to Mastering life's adventures, an educational podcast about tapping into your true self, the soul, your soul, the substance of your life, to discover what life's ups and downs are really about, and how to have a greater sense of purpose, peace, joy, and fulfillment. I am Dr. Judith holder and your host, Coach psychologist Delos seeker, he enjoys diving into the connections between spirituality, psychology, wellness, and your everyday life's adventures. All comparing and polishing you like the fast is a magnificent diamond to be your best self. If you're craving more from your life, you are in the right place. Come let's journey together and transforming what you know, and to who you really are mastering Life's adventures begins now.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:01:01

Hi, I'm back. I'm here to talk about another quality that may hinder the souls progress, as I'm talking in this series of barriers and roadblocks to soul growth. And the next one is sticky, stubbornness, sticky stubbornness. And what I mean by that is not all stubbornness is necessarily bad, it does have as positive side, such as allowing you to be constant and getting something done having a will and a conviction around something of what you want to get done and how you want to have it evolve and grow. And it may result in good work, and good work ethic, and having good standards by which you want to judge yourself about how you're producing that particular work project or how you've done that particular carpenter project, or whatever it may be. So, stubbornness does have a place to a certain degree, only if it's looked through the eyes of the soul, and the soul, because the soul actually tries to transform stubbornness into being obedient, trying to transform stubbornness in obedience, and I'll talk about that a little bit down the road, in terms of the quality of obedience and why I'm bringing it up. Now, when we think about stubbornness, and this sticky stubbornness is a sticky part is is is that it seems like it stick to like glue at doesn't move. And that's where maybe we get some of the statements about being bullheaded or being strong headed, or hard headed, or so adamant about something or obstinate are, we may have qualities of being in some particular way. And along with that is also the bullheadedness. So we hear all these kind of qualities that make up this quality of stubbornness, that may hinder the growth and the advancement of the solid. And we thinking that to be stubborn, is something that we should be okay with. But remember when I said if it's done in the appropriate way, on the auspices of your soul, and when it is not done that way, it is usually involved with the ego, and the ego persona. And I talked about the ego and persona in Episode Seven. So I won't get into all the details here. But one of the things about the ego is it likes to be right. And this is the need of a sticky, stubborn person is they need to be right. They're unwilling to change their mind, or their perspective about things. Because they think they're right. They think that's the way it needs to be done. They think that it's going to help them to get their promotion, or whatever it may be. But this needing to be right 24/7 All the time is a concern. Because it means there's no flexibility, that there is no willingness to see another perspective or another way of doing something. And I usually say to individuals, when I'm doing coaching or training with them, one way of seeing is another way of not seeing one way of seeing can be another way of not see and what's the stubbornness, sticky stubborn perspective is around, it's my way or the highway. It's my way of seeing it, or you don't need to be around me. And so that becomes an issue because they're closing down and they're having a closed mindset, instead of a growth mindset, which is a mindset of the soul is more growth minded in many ways. But usually the ego and the ego Prasanna wants to say, No, there's only one way of doing it here. And we're going to do it this way. If you don't like it tough, but that gets into this animate, headstrong, stubborn streak that happens. And we have to look if to see and see if these qualities exist within us, or in certain situations that we find ourselves in, that we're not looking that here's another way of seeing something. And this can come out when others present an idea. And the stubborn person wants to reason why it doesn't work. They want to just keep focused on seeing the glass half empty, as opposed to seeing it half fill, and how it might work. What are some of these barriers that may get in the way as well? Before the sticky sternness of the person is, they're adamant that it's not going to work. Because we tried to before because we did this, we did that and whatever, it's not gonna work, or find a relationship, or I tried that before the relation, it didn't work, so I'm not doing it anymore. But it may be a different person, the circumstances may be different. You may be in a different stage in your life. And how you were in your teens, and how you are in your 50s and 60s, maybe a little bit different. And in life experiences may have shifted and changed, you are trying to shift and change, you could look at things from a different perspective. Because ultimately, what the soul and the souls path is, is born of evolution, and growth and advancement and making changes. Now, I'm not saying that the hold on to key convictions that are important, but I am saying is you want to examine those convictions to see if they still hold water or not. So the other trait or quality about stubbornness is that they can get into standing their ground for the wrong reason. And his this a notion that I mentioned earlier, they're standing their ground and their perspective, because they think they know what's best. And they think they can see that 360 degrees. So that circle, and can be a make the wisest choice, without listening to the voices of the people that are around them at work, or in their family life, or in their friendships that they do have.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:08:05

Because they become so laser like focused, the in depth, sometimes winning the battle, but losing the war, you have a battle that was done at that point in time that you wanted to hold that point or that point of ground, maybe you didn't win it, but you lost your friends in the process. And you say, well, it doesn't matter because they don't believe what I believe anyway. But you have to look at it from different perspectives to be realizing that I really need to win that battle, that I need to be so Right. Or I need to stand my ground so hard. And that listen to other people's perspective that may have been more enriching to the conversation, or to an understanding that needs to take place. And another quality to look at in terms of how to start to root out this sticky stubbornness from oneself. And be aware of how it may be manifesting in others, but you're not trying to condemn others. If they see it and others you just be aware of it. So you're not triggered by it. It may be to this quality of fear. And you're noticing certain themes that are coming up as I'm talking about these barriers and roadblocks that happen and I'm going to mention them in another episode, but start listening if you hear any type of themes that are coming up. So this fear that is generating or driving the stubbornness, maybe related to him, having difficulty letting go of their year or there's old ideas, letting go of convictions, decisions that have been made or need to be made or how you go about making decisions, letting it go and see maybe there's a better way of doing something and This is huge because these things are attached to the ego identity. They're so attached to the identity of the person that they feel as if they let it go, the letting go some aspect of the identity. And that's really a false belief that they're having. Because our identity is far more than this holding on to these be technical types of fears around letting go. Letting Go may free us from old records, some patterns that we've had, that we grew up with, that are no longer serving us. And now that we're letting them go, and hearing other people's perspectives, and other ways of thinking and feeling and doing things, is freeing us up. One of the things that we want to understand with this sticky stubbornness is this starch positioning that goes on with the ego identity, the ego persona, is a sieve, they do put a perspective on it, that they get so stubborn around it, that they are not being flexible. And they may not know how to be flexible. But that's the question that has to be asked. And we all can ask that of ourselves, is this stubbornness that I'm experiencing right now? Is it based upon a true conviction of truth and honor? And upliftment? Or is it based upon fear, doubt, and uncertainty of what other people are trying in terms of how we think other people are trying to control us or change us. And some of that can come from childhood and being in certain families in which we have been controlled and feel like our parents want to overly control us. And so what we end up doing is we go to the other extreme and compensating, and then end up saying, no one's going to control me. And I'm going to be very stubborn about what I think and I'm going to do it my way. And that's going to be the way I'm going to handle my life. And the things that happen in my life. We have to be aware of and we start assessing, where is the stubbornness coming from and if it's truly helping us or not, because what I would say, is to move from the respect of a stubbornness in thinking about persistence, and persistence, is a shift ASA flexibility, they have this persistence for persistently following a spiritual path. And we're trying to do our best on that path. But when things don't work out, or people are getting us giving us new information, we are willing to shift a bit continue on the path continuing to advance, we're willing to shift our thinking about how we're looking at at something and say, Oh, is that the better way? Or how we're feeling about something, or how someone made us feel, quote, unquote, about something. And we're willing to say, Oh, I never thought about that feeling in that particular way, or how I was creating that feeling. And someone else, as opposed to having blinders on and saying, Nope, that didn't happen. That's not true. So stubbornness can get us into not seeing things as they are, but all the ASPI would like them to be. And that's her stubbornness. And that stickiness gets in the way, and moves you into that, or the person into that bowl consciousness. They only see what's in front of them. They don't see to the right, they don't see to the left. And not being able to be able to do that creates or hampers our soul progress, and our solid me as men. And we can have these subtle ways in which there is that rebellion underneath, stubbornness that I was mentioned a few minutes ago. And that rebellion is actually so stuck in a particular way, that it puts us at odds with our old soul progress and it actually creates this combativeness that happens, which is a form of rebellion, badness, or aggressiveness and our thinking in our speech and in our how we're acting with individuals making sure they know their way is the right way. So when sticky stubbornness goes to more on this continuum, of being aware that there is another way of doing something, there is some degrees of flexibility in how you wish to go about doing something and this continuum. There's a greater vision for what your soul is moving towards and striving towards. Versus on the other extreme on this continuum is this sticky stubbornness, that can lead to be rebel because we want to rebel, because we don't want to do it that way. And we actually get more disgruntled and more reasonable, as opposed to what the soul wants is more balance. The soul wants to be able to see things from different ways and vantage points, still holding on to their beliefs, and convictions that can be flexible enough to take in other ways of perceiving something. And knowing about something, it does revolve around that growth mindset. And not around the respect of the ego, needing to prove to be right, meeting to be proved to be right in a meeting so that we can in our ego feel better about being that key person or that go to person who is does things right. It can also at home in needing to be right with family members as your your spouse or your partner. And if you're always right, then you're implying that the other person has no contribution to give in the relationship. So then you have to ask why I mean, this relationship, because usually we are involved in relationships, because there's give intake, that is something that you can learn from the other partner. And it's something the partner can learn from you by figure a flow of giving and taking, and finding out how we need to communicate, and how we need to engage in behaviors that are uplifting, and kind and considerate, that allows you to feel a sense of being loved, and also very much to be able to love other individuals in that relationship.

Dr. Judith Holder: 00:17:06

But if we move into this notion of having to always defend ourselves, because of having controlling parents, as I mentioned, in you know, in childhood, then we don't realize that it can build up feelings of dislike, even hatred, hostility that we can have, unconsciously or subconsciously. And that's why we're so stubborn, because of certain things that happened to us earlier that we can lead to change as an adult in our interactions. So we have to be rolling like a microscope. Look at what's going on with our stubbornness, and the sticky stubbornness our or better yet, with a sticky stubbornness? How do we let go of that, and move ourselves more into be more persistent in the things that are true convictions that uplift the soul, on the path of the soul to evolve and grow and expand? How do we do that, and not get trapped by the ego persona. And the ego wants to be right, always is looking to this inferior superior, I'm superior, because I'm more intelligent, you're inferior, because we can't come up with the ideas as quickly as I can. That we have to beware of the ego personna is always trying to sit in that seat, or your soul needs to sit. And it's your responsibility to say now, I will, through discernment, look at when I need to hold firm ground. And when I really do not, I need to look at how I'm interacting. And whether I'm burning bridges that need not to be burnt in any way. But need to kind of together walk over that bridge to a new understanding a new way of interacting with each other, be as a parent and your children or spouse, spouses or at work with colleagues and even with yourself that you need to maybe have a different interaction of yourself in your soul in building this awareness that the soul and its flexibility, which moves yourself away from sticky stubbornness. So the soul in its flexibility is listening. To be obedient is flexible, to see another perspective is receptive to hear maybe something that is not hearing and ready and willing to reflect on what's being heard. And is there another way in which to look at this particular situation that this person at work at home brought to my attention, that I was only looking at it from one perspective, but how men look at it from their perspective of a multiple perspectives, to have a greater understanding of what might be taking place. So there's some degree of accepting other people's perspective, how they feel, how they act, how to interact, as long as those feelings, interactions, and the way they're being is uplifting. If it's negative, and resentful, or painful, in a way, no, no, that's not necessarily the right path to go on. Your soul will now when you're more and more in tune with your soul. And what we're talking about is soul evolution. So part of the thing that you're learning to do, or part of the interrelationship within yourself that you're trying to have is you're trying to ask yourself is what is the greater vision here with this particular situation that I may find myself in? It's like you're meditating on what's God's vision? In this situation? How a God see love, interact in this situation? How am I gonna show gratitude to the information that is being brought to me that feels a lot a bit, they're moving towards a sticky stubbornness, but unwilling to take a step back and look at that, and take that sticky stimulus off. It's like wash it off like water, and be able to see I have a different perspective of seeing something and the willingness to be grateful, grateful for the opportunity, grateful for the adventure that you're going through, grateful for the greater awareness that you're having about these barriers and roadblocks that may lead to hinder, I should say, that they may hinder soul progress, and what other qualities and other ways that you can learn to be because you're more aware, you're more intentional, you're more attune to the soul's evolution, and the steps that you can take incrementally or large that small steps, however you want to do it, to have a greater connection to the wonderfulness of your soul, and what your soul needs are and what gets in the way of your soul making advancement. And in this episode, we've been talking about sticky stubbornness, sticky stubbornness, something to think about. Bye for now.